Top 10 lesser-known conditions for Michael Vick's reinstatement

10) If his comeback doesn't work out, can't subsequently join the CFL, UFL or DFL

9) Part of his salary has to be paid for by grateful bloggers

8) Can only patronize truly attractive strippers, for fear of a backslide

7) Has to accept Tony Dungy as his personal savior, and gay people as his personal scapegoat

6) Needs to accept that, no matter what team signs him next, he's going to end up in Oakland

5) Must show remorse and contrition in his comeback commercials

4) Can't talk to the press about how white guys like Bill Romanowski were far more reprehensible than he was, and caught less flack

3) If and when he faces the Falcons, can not speak of being motivated by revenge

2) Has to refrain from joking about, well, anything

1) Must be OK with being a pariah for the rest of his life, or six to twelve months, which is all the media can wait until they start writing redemption pieces

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Now, beyond the list action... and beyond the morality of bringing in a convicted felon into your clubhouse... well, who could this man actually help?

If you were to use him in the way that he should have probably always been used -- i.e., a 15 plays a game Wildcat / Option player, maybe with a little slot receiver or scatback action -- well, assuming he hasn't left his legs in prison, just about every team in the league. This would also have the benefit of the greater chance of keeping him healthy through the entire season.

But the real issue for Vick, and the part and parcel as to how the whole trouble started, is that no one ever gave a second glance as to how that might work. Instead, they went with the approach that whatever was good from a fantasy standpoint -- and yes, Vick was very good for his owners -- was the best move for a team. Or that whatever filled the stadium and sold jerseys.

Meanwhile, the man spent years not developing any weapon named Algae Crumpler, never developing any sense of accuracy, and more or less recreating the Eagles' career of Randall Cunningham. At this point, any Falcons Fan that's more concerned about wins than highlights is probably relieved that Vick auto-ejected; it led to an awful year, but The Matt Ryan Era is a lot more promising, and it's actually intriguing to have a wideout or two develop.

If a team goes for Vick as their QB... well, it's not like the NFL has 32 amazing starters there, or that injuries don't happen. Put his in the right situation, with the right coaching, and he'd be dangerous. But that's not the kind of situation that's going to open for him. Instead, he's going to wind up in a place where they'll go to him in desperation -- say, a Minnesota team int the event of a Favre flameout, the always available Raiders, the Bengals if Carson Palmer goes down again, etc. -- and they'll get what they deserve. In addition to the public condemnation.

I'd like to be wrong on this. Vick's undeniably fascinating to watch, it would be good to get an actual redemption story for once in this cynical world, and rooting for bankruptcy isn't high on my list of things to do. But I don't want him on my team (luckily, I don't think Andy Reid is that insane), he probably won't be on my roto team, and if he winds up staying out of the league, I'm not going to shed a tear. He's had enough chances; he doesn't need another. Everything from here on out is just grace.