Things I've learned while in a diseased state

Last night after my poker game wound up (lost in the tournament on pairs versus overs, lost in the cash game late on some donkey plays), I was puttering around and playing a computer game. I then felt a stronger reaction than usual to the bad poker playing regrets, and have spent the time since dealing with illness and staring dully at NBA playoff games, NFL draft coverage, and my fantasy baseball teams, all while clutching my stomach and moaning. Good times! It's also been long enough now that I can actually sit up and type without feeling like I'm going to see that Friday Night Salsa again. Ow. Owwww. Owwwwww....

> Avery Johnson might have the most annoying voice in television history.

Actually, scratch that. Maybe just the most annoying person. Even when the guy is saying something I agree with on the Lemur's coverage, I kind of want to hit him in the face with a brick.



> When you find yourself switching off from what might be the most important day of the year for your NFL team to 2007 poker highlights... well, let's just say that when you're ill, the last people you want to spend time with are Chris Berman and Mel Kiper, Jr.

> HDTV is doing Nancy Lieberman no favors. And the Lemur knows it to near comical levels, as they have her turn halfway around and step out of the shot during interviews, and cut away as fast as possible on her little quotes. It's almost endearing, really.

> When Tony Parker, Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant want to score, they do. And yet the Spurs have so little else -- basically the last dregs of Tim Duncan and a superb coaching job to make guys like Matt Bonner, Bruce Bowen and Drew Gooden appear to be part of a playoff rotation -- that the Mavs are winning this series, going away.

> The ugliest fan in the NBA is Utah Fan, and on some level, I really enjoy the annual show of Bryant sticking it to them hard. You live in Utah, your beloved dead owner was a homophobic turd, and watching your bitter old man coach lose is always serious fun. But by all means, tell me how Deron Williams is better than Chris Paul some more, and how much you respect Matt Harpring. That's always fun. (At least Sloan admits that they have no answer for him.)

> If Lamar Odom got to play against the Jazz every game, he'd be an All-Star. Carlos Boozer is the guy with the paycheck and the statistics, but Odom just eats him, and every other forward the Jazz throw at him, alive.

> New Orleans did everything possible in the last minutes against Denver to end the series by going down 3-0, but Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups couldn't seal the comebacking deal. Normally, you'd still give the edge to the Nuggets to close it out, because the Hornets keep giving minutes and shots to Peja Stojakavoic, and he's utterly terrible right now. But it's not as if the Nugs don't have their own chuckleheads on the roster, or any kind of playoff track record of success (Melo has never been out of the first round).

> Rooting for the Raiders must be like caring for an aged relative that refuses to, well, accept their limitations. Today, they spent their first round pick on a WR with the best time in the 40 yard dash (rather than, say, the best WR), and their second round pick on a guy that even the Lemur had no film of. His name is Michael Moore, and I was able to find a picture of him on the Internets, which is posted above.

Seriously, at what point can the NFL take this team over and make Al Davis go to the home? (Oh, and thanks once again to them for allowing the Eagles to have a playoff run last year. Good on ya.)

> Speaking of my Eagles, I'm a little puzzled as to why you take a WR in the first round when you (a) have reasonable depth at the position, (b) probably need a running back and tight end more, and (c) might have a glaring problem at cornerback if Sheldon Brown is going into Operation Shutdown Mode. But, well, they know more than I do about such things, and when your draft doesn't make the Lemur heads assume the position (ooh, Mark Sanchez, your leadership skills and intangibles make me weak in the knees!), you are probably doing something right.

> Not sports and all, but is there anything that shows the utter irrelevance and navel-gazing ways of the Meedja than the relentless Obama's First 100 Days coverage? I'm on board with the guy, and even I don't give what passed out of me this morning. But by thunder, there's nothing that's going to stop this wanking, so grab it with both hands and go, you utter... well, moving on.