Oh, this will work out well

In Miami today, the utter geniuses who run the Nationals have decided to take what might be their most talented hitter, and clearly their most unhinged, and put him on the bench. That would be Elijah Dukes, whose past history includes a trade away from the team that drafted him (Tampa), mostly because of, well, the assault and battery.

But hey, they must have a really good reason to make this fine fellow ride pine, right? Well, sure. I mean, it's not everyday that you get the chance to play Austin Kearns. Oh, wait, actually, you do, because this is what Austin Kearns has done in the past three years of use in MLB.

2006 -- .830 OPS on 537 ABs, .265, 24 HRs and 86 RBIs

2007 -- .765 OPS on 587 ABs, .266, 16 HRs and 74 RBIs

2008 -- .627 OPS on 313 ABs, .217, 7 HRs and 32 RBIs

Let's put it this way; he's held in such regard by the baseball fans of the world, he's owned in 1% of the fantasy baseball leagues in Yahoo. That number hasn't gone up appreciably since it was announced that he has the starting job.

Oh, and he's 28 already. In short, Kearns is lucky to be in the major leagues, assuming that Washington qualifies, let alone have a starting job. I think we all know that when you have diminishing returns in three straight years, and now hit like a backup catcher despite playing a corner outfield position... well, you shouldn't be in a starting position. Ever.

Here's Dukes, by comparison.

2007 - .709 OPS on 184 ABs, .190, 10 HRs and 21 RBIs

2008 -- .864 OPS on 276 ABs, .264, 13 HRs and 44 RBIs (oh, and also 13 steals, which is half of Kearns' lifetime total)

Dukes is also 5 years younger than Kearns. Now, why did the Nats go this way?

Well, Kearns outplayed Dukes in spring training.

No, I'm not kidding.

Um, since when does a few weeks of at bats trump many, many years of non-production, let alone the vast difference in potential that being four years younger and in the major leagues involves?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Dukes is actually talented. He'd have to be to make up for his past history and other fine moments of Mensa membership. Kearns? Maybe five years and many, many injuries ago, you make this move. Today, it starts as dumb and, if the Nats are very, very lucky and Dukes has somehow added some composure to his makeup, goes no further.

And in other news, the Nattys got the stuffing pounded out of them by the Marlins, with Kearns going 1 for 4 with an RBI, and Dukes registering a pinch-hit strikeout in ninth inning of what wound up being a 12-6 Natty loss.

I put the over/under on some kind of Incident at, oh, three days...