NBA Playoff Pick A Palooza

As we've always down here at the blog, I'll pick the playoffs against site contributor The Truth; loser has to write something really, really painful. (Past examples: Cub and WNBA Love. Shudder.) Feel free to add yours in the comments; if enough people do this, I'll throw them a site T-shirt, guaranteed to get you exceptional nooky, provided that you have loose definitions of exceptional. And nooky.

This won't be as detailed as I normally go, just because life intruded over the past couple of days. Besides, there just isn't as much intrigue for me since all of the interesting matchups are out West, and I'm still really bitter over punting third-place money in my roto league over 10 freaking points. (Both teams scored, um, over 12,000 points this year, so 10 really doesn't matter.) I know, you're shocked to find me bitter.

Cleveland (1) vs. Detroit (8)

If any of these games is within 10 points, I'll be surprised, But remember, Joe Dumars is a genius and that Darko pick is going to start bearing fruit any day now. By the way, if Cleveland wins this series, it will come with the tainted asterisk because Allen Iverson is hurt. I keed, I keed, Cavs Fan. I mean, who could possibly say crap about asterisks without, you know, making themselves out to be a complete asshat?

Cavaliers in four

Boston (2) vs. Chicago (7)

Man alive, did I want to take the Bulls here; the Celtics look like they can be taken with Garnett on the shelf. They also have to be distracted by the news this morning about GM Danny Ainge having heart trouble. But they aren't ready to win in Boston, and the C's have home court. Besides, I still can't quite get behind the idea that Vinny del Negro can go from Guy Avoiding The GM to a Final 8 coach in two months.

Celtics in seven

Orlando (3) vs. Philadelpha (6)

Philly will make the Magic sweat, but you just can't win games against good teams consistently when you don't shoot threes or free throws well. Please, Sixers Management, make me write something new about you next year, ok?

Magic in five

Atlanta (4) vs. Miami (5)

Get ready for the return of the D-Wade Referee Love Tour. The over-under on Atlanta technical fouls in this series is thirteen. Take the over.

Heat in six

Los Angeles (1) vs. Utah (8)

On talent, the Jazz's inability to show up on the road, and overall health, this should the mirror of Cleveland's first round walk in the East. The reason it won't be is because the Lake Show will fail to show up for a game. But not more than one.

Lakers in five

Denver (2) vs. New Orleans (7)

New Orleans has disappointed this year to be in the seven slot, but they aren't *bad*; they won 49 games, for heaven's sakes, and they still have that Chris Paul fellow, who is awfully good. This Nuggets team seems to me to still be filled with rockheads who will fail in big situations, and with Chauncey Billups getting the full-on media mouth job for their surprisingly good year, the ball won't go to Carmelo Anthony late, and he's actually really good there.

For the Hornets, I think you see David West have a big series and for Paul to get just enough help when he needs it. And no, this upset loss won't be enough to get George Karl run off, because nothing will. He's like Don Nelson, in that he's just bulletproof from actual results.

Hornets in six

San Antonio (3) vs. Dallas (6)

The second of three wildly entertaining Western Conference playoff series that won't matter later on. The Spurs have home court, the coaching edge and the experience. The Mavs have more healthy talent and scoring punch. But you bet against Tim Duncan, even in his presumed twilight, at your peril. Either team is Dead Man Walking in the next round.

Spurs in seven

Portland (4) vs. Houston (5)

A fascinating series. Portland has athletes for miles and home court. Houston has ridiculously good defense and a nominal experience edge. Both teams are overrated by the cognoscenti for their international talent and cutting-edge front offices.

And while I'd love to take the Rockets because rooting for anything connected with Paul Allen makes me want to wear a hair shirt, it's just hard for me to pick a team with Ron Artest at crunch time, even if they have banished Tracy McGrady. BTW, Greg Oden might be the most overrated player in the NBA right now, in that Portland's not better with him on the floor than the immortal Joel Pryzbilla, but that's not an issue in this round.

Either way, this one is going long... but with a bit of a twist ending. Keep an eye out for Rudy Fernandez here.

Blazers in six