Top 10 takeaways from the MLB 2013 Schedule

10) We will have interleague play every day, just to make sure that you know that you are living in a Golden Age of Stoopid

9) ESPN will telecast 200 hours of Red Sox vs. Yankees, no matter what the standings are

8) Ozzie Guillen will return to Chicago, assuming he's, you know, employed

7) The Sunday Night game is yet to be determined, but rest assured, it will have insufferable announcing

6) In response to Yu Darvish not being all that and a bag of chips, Japan will have to live without a weak opening series with the A's

5) The Reds will start their season against the Angels, because, um, tradition I guess

4) Houston is changing leagues and divisions, but will unfairly dodge Triple A relegation

3) AL West teams don't get to play as many games against each other, but it's OK, because they will get the most games with those DOA Astros

2) Since the NL East will get the AL Central, we'll be treated to the wonderful sight of Philly Fan and Minnesota Fan having the ultimate battle of Fake Tough vs. Fake Nice fan bases

1) Since Opening Day is no longer going with a mid-week opening day, your fantasy league will be easier to manage, and Cub Fan will have to bring their work-missing "A" game to cover the hangovers