Top 10 takeaways from the Impending NHL Lockout

Why Is This Man Employed?

10) This will be the third time that there has been a work stoppage under Gary Bettman, which is really the only fact that anyone needs to know about Gary Bettman

9) 230 players attended the meeting, because it's not as if hockey players can find off-season employment

8) Seeing how the league lost an entire season to this nonsense less than a decade ago, it's not as if there's any real teeth to the idea that they could lose fans over this

7) Bettman says he feels terrible about this, which is, really, the most important thing

6) Fortunately, there are no worries about the health problems of older hockey players, since it's pretty much assumed that older hockey players are just put on ice floes

5) On the plus side, this might somehow wind up giving Derek Fisher more TV time

4) As the dispute pits men who risk their health and well-being while doing amazing things against old rich bastards in suits, we can expect the media to be... totally in the tank for the rich old bastards

3) Bettman says that subsequent offers may not be as appealing, because that kind of posturing is absolutely required by labor contract law

2) The players are not open to any deal that requires them to take an immediate salary reduction, because they haven't quite grasped what a lockout would mean to their direct deposit

1) The 86 people in the United States who play fantasy hockey with keepers are totally bent about this (and, yes, I know several of them)