"The delayed 6:22 passenger ticket pre-sentation to Trenton is operating ten minutes late due to wire problems. We apologize for the inconvenience."
"What wire problems?"
"Oh, you know. Wire problems. Problems. With the wires. I thought Season 2 spent too much time with the dockworkers."
"We understand that reply made no sense, and apologize for the inconvenience."
"Sir, do you realize that you are inconveniencing the rest of these passengers?"
"Yes. And we are very sorry for the fifteen minute delay."
"Hold on. You just said ten."
"The delayed 6:22 passenger ticket presentation to Trenton has just left Penn Station."
"Sir, we are on the train. We just passed the airport."
"Yes, but the presentation has just heard about police activity five miles away. There are several conductors in front of you."
"There are no conductors in front of me. This is ridiculous."
"We apologize for the inconvenience."
"FINE. So if I come back in fifteen minutes, you'll show me your ticket. Will that make you happy?"
"Please, sir, there's no reason to be upset. We are doing everything we can to present the ticket to you, but as I said, wire problems, police activity, and the existence of Amtrak has us operating under twenty minute delays."
"So it's 20 now?"
"Possibly. We'll keep you posted. (Waits ten seconds) The 6:22 passenger ticket presentation to Trenton has been moved to Track 4."
"Sir, we're on the train now, not a track. I need to see your ticket."
"This just in... due to the police activity, the 6:22 passenger ticket presentation to Trenton has been canceled. We apologize for the inconvenience."
"Fine. Whatever. Forget it. I don't need to see your ticket. You look like a regular anyway."
"Excellent, sir. That will be $300."
"$300? For what?"
"Exactly, sir. Exactly."
Wednesday, July 28, 2010