Sunday, July 25, 2010

A small non-sports aside

Does anyone out there in the reading public know how to make a new consumer packaged good? I'd like to make a mint with the following campaign...

Shampoo for Actually Straight Men.

Our product will promise to just clean your hair. We'll also pledge to not make it smell like a Eurotrash guy, someone who enjoys rubbing fruit extract into their scalp, or someone who is just using their wife or girlfriend's product and hoping no one notices.

It will not stregthen fine or damaged hair, or give you additional volume, whatever the hell that is. The product will not protect your dye job, because as an Actually Straight Man, you won't be doing that. It also won't control flyaway hair, because as an Actually Straight Man, you could not give less of a crap about those.

Our ads will have an ordinary looking guy asking the viewer why they want their head to smell like a fruit plate. And if they do want their head to smell like that, that there is something wrong with them. The ads will end with a woman dropping to her knees in front of the man, saying that since she is also straight, she enjoys it when her man does not smell like her. The ads will last 15 seconds at most, and run during poker telecasts, stand-up comedy shows, and non-Super Bowl sporting events. We will also pay to put up posters in any men's only barber shop.

So long as we note that our product does not try to grow hair or get rid of dandruff, I'm not certain that there is a competing product in the market. Or, at least, not at my local Rite-Aide...

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