Top 10 reasons why the NFL extended Roger Goodell

10) Want to make sure he's there for the next lockout

9) Only way to keep the league safe from Pac Man Jones' shenanigans in the long run

8) There was nothing else happening today, and there's always the possibility that some other sport might actually get coverage

7) Love what he's done to eliminate defense and kickoffs in our lifetime

6) The Patriots told them to do it

5) Impressed by his ability to keep getting the NFL Plus markets into the Super Bowl

4) The $1 salary he took during the lockout impressed the owners very much, since none of them have cared about salary in decades either

3) Afraid that if they didn't extend him, he'd fine them for some infinitesimal uniform violation

2) His willingness to shaft the retired and concussed appeals to their sense of decency and trust

1) Has a collection of photographs, videos, audio files, animal husbandry tools and personal mementos that redefine the phrase "criminally actionable evidence"