Top 10 reasons why Jeff Fisher chose St. Louis over Miami

10) Does not want to feel self-conscious about his late middle age spread or lack of manscaping

9) After so many years in the AFC, really wanted to go to some actual cities on his road games

8) Knows that a defense-first .500 record will get him deified in St. Louis and canned in three years in Miami

7) Now that Tony LaRussa has left town, he's the sexiest man in town

6) At 53, isn't quite right for 4pm dinner buffets or STDs, and in Miami, there's no middle ground

5) Has been told the team's secret plan to move back to Los Angeles

4) Can't pass up the chance to join the long line of guys who wasted Steven Jackson's career

3) After years of facing that white-hot media spotlight in Nashville, thinks he can handle the bright lights of St. Louis

2) Prefers the potential of Sam Bradford to be a career disappointment to the certainty of Matt Moore's career disappointment

1) Making the playoffs in the NFC West just might be a wee bit easier than the AFC East