Befuddling NBA Free Agent Signings

This post is in honor of the Phillies player with perhaps the best nickname ever in the history of the franchise, Pearce "What's The Use" Chiles. (Hat tip, Ron Schuler's Parlor Tricks, a fine blog for people who like old-time baseball criminals. I eat that stuff with a fork.)

Past NBA posts in this off-season have stressed the idea that NBA General Managers are captivated by brand name players -- to wit, that they'll overpay for a known quantity, rather than roll the dice with a younger, cheaper energy guy. Or that they'll just break the bank for role players, then wonder where the cap money went.

As a Sixers fan, we can just call these the Kevin Ollie All-Stars -- scrubs that no one would ever win with, without any real promise for the future... and yet they're getting contracts. Because in the NBA, Players Nine Through Twelve are all about getting along. Pearce Chiles will have more to do with whether these teams win or lose than these guys.

Here's the list that I'm sure will grow soon...

Bulls sign Joe Smith. I guess he's here to teach Ty Thomas and Joakim Noah. Funny, I thought that was the job of, um, coaches.

Mavs resign Devean George. 2000 was a long time ago, and he wasn't good then, either.

Denver signs Chucky Atkins. Because old point guards are kind of like old left-handed relievers in baseball -- you can be crappy for a long time before everyone finally gets wind and stop paying you.

Indy signs Kareem Rush. Well, sure. Devean George not being available and all.

Milwaukee signs Jake Voskuhl. Well, he'll give them more than Yi. Can they sign Jake Tsakalidis as well, so they can do the whole identical twin tag team and befuddle the refs? I'm still waiting for someone to get the Collins brothers back together and try this.

Phoenix signs Sean Marks. This one makes sense, actually -- it helps them corner that all important Australia / New Zealand fan base.

Utah signs Jason Hart. This hurts me, as a fellow 'Cuse man, but Jason my man... you are the new Rick Brunson. Rent, don't buy.

A Tale of Two Willaimses

Continuing the theme of the off-season where people can't piss on Milwaukee enough, Bucks guard and probable salary contract year hero Mo Williams is allegedly talking about going to the Heat for less money than the Bucks are willing to offer.

Some folks on the Internet are having a hard time figuring out why going to the Heat, where the old men already have their ring and the coach is old and cranky, would be attractive. The Heat are, let's face it, one long-term injury to D-Wade away from being bad enough to be relocated to the Atlantic Division.

These folks are, of course, missing a few points:

1) The Bucks aren't very good either

2) The Yi Era isn't going to be pretty

3) There is no state income tax in Florida, which helps alleviate the contract

4) The only people who would prefer to live in Milwaukee over Miami are... people who have probably lived in Milwaukee for their whole lives (and probably not all of them, either)

5) Miami's groupies are, how shall we say, in another league over Milwaukee.

Let us, shall we say, go to the tape.

Milwaukee's groupies...



Now, Miami.



Meanwhile in Miami, nominal starting PG Jason Williams is said to be nervous for his job. To which we can only say this -- don't sweat it, White Chocolate. Mo Williams isn't from Viet Nam.

And he doesn't have a Nike ad, either.



Update -- Mo Williams signs for 6 years and $52 million to stay with the Bucks. Guess that mid-level exemption in Miami -- which is to say, $5.3 million a year -- was too far from the number he could get in in the Great White North.

Today's Nelson Muntz Moments

> Victor Zambrano, once traded to New York for Scott Kazmir, cut by the Toronto Blue Jays. He was 0-2 with a 10.97 ERA.

Zambrano's Met career: 8-14, with an ERA well over 6.

> Today's Yi Jianlian Update: 3 points and 5 turnovers on 0/6 FG shooting. His Team China team lost by 23 in summer league action to the Knick irregulars.

That sound you just heard was Bucks Fan smacking himself. Hard.

> Albert Pujols is bent that he rode pine for the entire All Star Game.

Consider that payback for the April that buried everyone who took you with the first pick in their fantasy draft, Albert. (Including, of course, me.)

Now, can you Angry Roid up and hit some freaking homers in the second half?