Today's Nelson Muntz Moments

> Victor Zambrano, once traded to New York for Scott Kazmir, cut by the Toronto Blue Jays. He was 0-2 with a 10.97 ERA.

Zambrano's Met career: 8-14, with an ERA well over 6.

> Today's Yi Jianlian Update: 3 points and 5 turnovers on 0/6 FG shooting. His Team China team lost by 23 in summer league action to the Knick irregulars.

That sound you just heard was Bucks Fan smacking himself. Hard.

> Albert Pujols is bent that he rode pine for the entire All Star Game.

Consider that payback for the April that buried everyone who took you with the first pick in their fantasy draft, Albert. (Including, of course, me.)

Now, can you Angry Roid up and hit some freaking homers in the second half?

Poo Holes

Dear Albert,

We're sure that, by the time the year is over, we'll have forgotten all about this 1-for-9 start with fewer RBIs than Julio Franco.

After all, you can't be expected to hit the likes of Tom Glavine, Orlando Hernandez, Aaron Heilmann and John Maine. They are Just Too Tough, especially when you only have a 1.046 career OPS. It's unfair for us to expect the number one pick in every fantasy draft to actually hit a little.

So while you and your teammates continue to hit the snooze button on 2007, please take this small token of our affection as well. It'll go well with your jewelry as you look up in the standings at the entire freaking division.

Now, in the words of our ancestors... BOOOOO!!!!