Top 10 reasons why the Yankees signed Jacoby Ellsbury
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9) When you already have the poor man's Ellsbury in Brett Gardner, it's just funsies to add the other
8) Know they can't afford Robinson Cano, so they had better hurry up and hire the best available white guy
7) Ellsbury'ss contract strongly resembles the one the Red Sox gave to Carl Crawford, and that clearly worked out for the best
6) When you sign a speed-only outfielder (9 HRs last year in a year when he was, honest, mostly healthy) with a history of injuries to life-changing money, he never, ever gets hurt again
5) If you squint at Ellsbury long enough, he looks a little like Johnny Damon, and when they signed Damon, the team actually mattered
4) The world really needed to know how Boston Fan does not know the difference between the words trader and traitor
3) Winning the headline battle in December matters when you have no real idea of how to build a roster
2) Ellsbury is so gosh darned cute, he's bound to finally sell those close seats
1) The Angels and Phillies can't be the only teams locked into disaster deals for aging and overrated players
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