9) Why are parents allowing their kids to be grilled by some guy in a suit about the merits of speed?
8) Are midgets being shuttled in hostage-tastic cargo vans to Verizon stores, and if so, is there anything we can do to stop it?
7) Is there anything less appetizing on TV than a Papa John's cookie?
6) Why is the Geico pig wearing a blanket as his only clothing, let alone going to a game that he can't be bothered to watch?
5) Has any child sung in the annual Hess toys choir without growing up to huff paint?
4) Does Chuck Lidell exist in a world where the inherent threat of violence defined by his very existence causes every nominal authority figure to soil themselves in his unholy presence?
3) Is Citizen Eco-Drive just inventing athletes in sports that people do not care about to save on endorsements?
2) Are people who shop at Kay too cheap to put their aged parents in quality senior care facilities?
1) Does anyone really give a damn who made their beer, especially when it comes from a global corporation?