Top 10 reasons why the Texans fired Gary Kubiak

Alas! Poor Kubiak, I Knew Him Well

10) Wanted to accelerate the speed in their spectacular tanking season

9) Kubiak failed to stand up for the mob when they cheered on Matt Schaub's injury

8) Really wanted to make sure he wasn't on the payroll for any new health issues

7) Have lost seven straight games by seven points or less, which has really been very trying on the nation's gamblers

6) Couldn't keep JJ Watt from wearing the crimson mask, and didn't help ownership in their modest proposal to sell bloody game-worn jerseys

5) Honestly, they've lost twice to the Jaguars, it's surprising that anyone involved is still alive in Texas

4) It's not as if you had to have a good team to win the AFC South and host a playoff game this year

3) Failed to see the potential in erratic scamper-tastic QB Case Keenum

2) They are 3-14 since starting the year 11-1, which does not scream out Coaching Super Genius

1) Kubiak did not have dignity to up and kill himself, despite the ample motivation that is created by simply living in Houston