Top 10 takeaways on how Bud Selig won't ever send an email

He's Also Stone Deef

10) We are shocked, shocked to discover that Bud's ability to hear news or opinions from outside of his echo chamber is limited

9) To be fair, to men of Bud's age, typing is something only done by women who can't land husbands with good jobs

8) Using technology that's been ubiquitous for decades is just too fast for Bud

7) Has an awful lot to hide from the NSA

6) Has never seen the point of replacing his abacus and telegraph

5) Suddenly, the league's inability to impose a salary cap that actually equates large and small markets, unlike, well, every other major league is a lot more understood

4) While he doesn't send emails, he does dictate to eunuchs

3) Logged into Compuserve once, read a naughty word, and never went back

2) If it wasn't good enough for Kenesaw Mountain Landis, it's not good enough for him

1) Change Scares Him, unless it's interleague play, making the winner of the All Star Game get home field advantage in the World Series, introducing a spiraling amount of wild card team to ruin pennant races among great teams, adding instant replay to umpiring and changing dozens of stadiums over for corporate pillaging