How You Know You Have A Problem: Watching NBA Summer League

This Isn't Healthy

Has it come to this, really? Well, yes. I'm watching NBA TV to see Summer League games in the sparse gym at Orlando, with as many cameras as refs, and more players than spectators. I've seen more people watching games at the Y. And yet, well, when faced with the grim spectre of regular season baseball, whatever nonsense the World Wide Lemur is showing or just shutting the television off and going into the eternal timesuck that is preparing for the NFL fantasy draft that is happening in six short weeks...

Well, I'm in the gym. And how can I not be, when you get these advantages?

> Dennis Scott, the softest color commentator in the history of television. Honestly, if we were to see Scott in the pre-game analysis waving NBA pasties and pom poms, I would not be at all surprised. The Summer League has, at most, 10% of its active participants who will make NBA money next year. Most of these guys are nothing more than camp fodder, but if you listen to Scott, we're watching nothing but tomorrow's stars. Also, the man makes Gus Johnson sound like a coma patient on highlights that wouldn't merit a replay at the NBA level.

> A supernova outside. Games are going on in the morning and afternoon on some court with inadequate shades, which means that any number of angles are just going to make you wonder why the players aren't wearing shades. It's kind of brutal, really.

> Pointless game scoring rules. It's a 7 point game, where each team wins a point for winning a quarter and 3 for the game, which means that... well, I have no idea what it means, because caring which team wins or loses in summer league basketball might redefine pointlessness in my lifetime. Seriously, how does anyone even pretend to care about that?

> Weird fouling rules. You can't foul out of a summer league game, mostly because the entire exercise if to make sure coaches can see minutes. But you can slow the game to a virtual standstill and look like, well, a guy bound for Third World hoop. There's lots of that, really.

 > Force-feeding picks and rooks. It would be one thing if the games were entirely between high picks and recent draftees... but there's more to it than that. There's also all manner of flotsam trying for a new contract, and they will sell out for maximum brown nosing ball pressure. You've never seen so much full court 1-man trapping, or more not-ready lottery picks trying to put up big counting stats because, dammit, that's what LeBron did once upon a time. It's oddly compelling.

I could go on, but I'd only be encouraging them. And admitting to my own problem, really...