Monday, January 7, 2013

Top 16 consolations for Notre Dame fans

As soon as I right myself, Elephant, I will teach you manners
16) Dominating college football is the only reason why the South doesn't try harder to secede, and without the South, you'd have a far smaller pool of domestic and landscaping help to draw from

15) The late ND touchdowns allow you to trot out that pathetic "At least our guys never quit" line

14) The game only seemed liked it took forever

13) The outcome made Joe Theismann very very sad, and anything that makes Joe Theismann sad can't be all bad

12) This game is going to help Manti Te'o from going too high in the draft and losing his work ethic

11) Bad ratings for ESPN in a dull blowout, with Brent Musberger leering at women who are young enough to be his grandchildren, just makes Baby Jesus smile

10) You were the #1 ranked team for the ridiculous amount of time that college football seems to think is necessary between the end of the season and the de facto playoffs

9) This kind of game is a great way to keep the NFL away from your coach

8) You're really going to enjoy watching AJ McCarron fail in the pros and lose that sweet girlfriend of his

7) You really didn't want to stay up late on a school night anyway

6) You didn't get shut out, which considering the way Alabama performs in BCS Championships, really should matter

5) This makes Johnny Manziel winning the Heisman a lot easier to take

4) You weren't watching football before October of this year anyway, so this really isn't that heartbreaking

3) Your team really did a fine job in holding down the Alabama punt and kickoff returners

2) The nation's sportswriters had a long time to polish their lead paragraphs in this one, which is sure to make for some quality writing

1)  In the morning, Tide Fan still has to live in Alabama, which really takes some of the starch out of this whole concept of "winning"

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