Saturday, January 5, 2013

Top 10 Old Women You Meet At The Y

In A Locker Room Near You
The Shooter Eldest, after enjoying the carefree hatred of Old Guys You Meet At The Y, demands equal time.. and presented me with a list of her own experience. (She, and to a lesser extent her younger sister, go with me occasionally and swim while I hit the treadmill and weights.) A brief interview later, we are proud to present, in decreasing order of frequency...

10) The Joker. Rictus grin, to the point of making you wonder if someone has dosed her up good. (Personally, I think this is just what happens when you are confronted by my kids, because they are Killing Cute, but I'm biased.)

9) Mother Time. Mother Time is in the shower when you go for your pre-swim rinse. She's in the shower when you go for your post-swim chlorine removal. She might still be in the shower right now. forever Forever FOREVER...

8) Older Than Hills. The oldest people in the world... are waiting for you at the Y, it seems. Especially in the locker room, and just begging for the opportunity to lay the smack down with the advice. Do not make eye contact.

7) The Stalker. There are dozens of empty lockers. Guess which one the Stalker will be at? Right, the one that's as close to possible to yours. (And you wondered who gave birth to guys who has to use the urinal next to yours.)

6) The Witch. No, not a good one. The Witch is a creature of pure hate who needs to stare down all in her path, especially if you are a kid. There's drama everywhere at the Y...

5) Mother Chaos. How many kids does she have? It's very hard to tell, since there are so many of them, all whirling around within a 200 foot radius. Beware her wrath, since she's the only person in the place with minions.

4) Nekked And Proud! The eldest tells me that the women's locker has curtains in the shower, but NL does not care about that in the least. You come to the Y to see stuff, right? Or at the very least, to make sure that there are witnesses to your maintenance.

3) Homeless Lady. Why get dressed in front of a locker when you can spread your stuff out all over the place? HL can not be bound down by convention, people. Either that, or she's got some weird superstition working. If you never get dressed in the same place, the ghosts can not find you!

2) Very Important Caller. Does your mobile phone call deserve an audience? Then come on down, turn the volume up to the point of pain, and give us all a chance to share in the drama that is your life. And never mind how cell phones are not walkie talkies from the last century, and that you really don't have to shout to be heard on them any more. That's not how we share!

1) The Goo Hoarder. Looking for a spa experience, but don't have the cash? Come on down to the Y with your suitcases of product -- shampoo, conditioner, body wash, concealment, moisturizer, spackle, grout, batter, gravy, and six kinds of paint -- and get to work. GH knows that the reason you work out is to not just look good, but prove to everyone else in the zip code that you are very much into the maintenance. You have to admire the work ethic, really!

No comments:

Ads In This Size Rule