Philadelphia, The Home Of Uniquely Impatient, Angry and Outlandish People

Rainbow Me

A brief and small note about the Eagles' search for a new head coach... and yes, I'm reacting to irritating national media. You see, it's going to be very, very hard, because the fan base has such outlandish expectations, rage issues, and impatience. Why, there's almost no chance that the Eagles could possibly get a good coach now!

Um, a moment?

1) We just gave the last guy 14 years. No, seriously: 14 years. This is impatient?

2) Rage issues. Um, OK, sure, I guess... but have you been to an Eagles game since they moved from the Vet to the Linc? The people with rage issues were priced out years and years ago. Oh, and there isn't a jail in the new place, either, and the Santa who was hit with snowballs was drunk and pathetic, and that also happened before I was born.

So, yes, Eagle Fans have rage issues. Mostly with the people who have no clue about who we are, yet continue to feel qualify to pass judgment.

3) Outlandish expectations. You know what an Eagles fan expects out of his team? A reasonable shot at the playoffs. Oooh, outlandish! Only 12 out of 32, or 37.5%, of all NFL teams get that far, with the terrifying level of just 1 in 4 winning the division. Why, that's half as hard as random chance -- outlandish! And perhaps a team that runs the ball enough to make us not go nuts, or one with the ability to line up in a formation that doesn't give the opposition six yards a pop running it between the tackles. You know, little stuff like that. We also, and this is very different from any other market, really like it when the team's players try hard and give a crap. I can't possibly give voice to how outlandish this is!

You know what we don't expect? A Super Bowl visit or championship. Since that has happened twice and never in the 45 years that they've been playing the fool thing, well, we *don't* expect that to happen. We don't even demand it, as the 14 years of Reid just showed.

4) No chance at a good coach? Good grief. OK, the GM isn't going to be your own guy, and you won't get final say on personnel. Just like, well, nearly every other NFL franchise. The owner has spent serious cash before. The facilities are top notch. The franchise has attracted premium free agents in the recent past. The area is a top 6 media market, playing in a division that always attracts media attention even when it's secretly horrible. This isn't exactly the Bengals, people.

I get how the Eagles want to soft-pedal the new coach and lower expectations; I'm completely OK with that, given the current low level of talent and massive amount of coaching and attitude adjustments that need to be made here. (Consider, for a moment, that Todd Bowles and Bobby April are still employed. No, seriously.)

But you can't have it both ways, Reid Apologists. Either he's left a wonderful talent base and he's a terrible coach now, or he's left barren earth and the successor is walking into a tire fire, because he's a terrible talent evaluator.

So pick one. I'll wait here.

While thinking about who the new coach might be, and how important it will be for owner Jeffrey Lurie to get that hire right, since he hasn't hit on that in years and years and years...