Top 10 reasons why Elvis Dumervil got arrested

Let He Who Is Without Rage Brandish The First Firearm

10) Having road rage in Florida just means that you have a pulse

9) Lying to the cops about having a gun is not, in fact, OK if you are crossing your fingers behind your back as you say it

8) Without The Power Of The Tebow to guide them, all of the Broncos are powerless before Satan and his ways

7) As Dumveril is 28 and an NFL player, he's only got about 2 to 4 more years before head trauma induced violent dementia anyway

6) When one encounters traffic in Miami Beach on a Saturday night, it means that you are not getting your fair share of the fine fine ladies, which makes the brandishing of a firearm inevitable

5) Dumervil was in the right lane, which is totally not his best position for getting off the line

4) The guy he got into an argument refused to respect his level of, um, fame

3) Rumors vary on this, but we have reason to believe there may have been a hoodie involved, which means everyone in the state was in their rights to shoot first and count bodies later

2) As soon as a Florida cop sees a black guy named Elvis, it's the big house for sure

1) The silicon chip inside his head got switched to overload