Friday, January 7, 2011

Wild Card Weekend: Saturday Drinking Game

Guaranteed to make you dead from alcohol poisoning by the time the late local news is ignored. And given that the rest of the playoffs are just going to be the Patriots Not Losing, Since It's Completely Inconceivable That The Patriots Could Lose, you're going to want to be dead from alcohol poisoning. (But not me, of course! I welcome our Masstermind Overlords)

On any of the following events, DRINK...

> When the color anaylst praises a shaky young QB for throwing a ball away, because interceptions are very, very bad

> When the color analyst praises a shaky veteran QB for throwing an interception, because he's very courageous

> Every time the Seattle crowd contributes to a false start

> Every time the Seattle crowd boos (first half only)

> When Matt Hasselbeck's career is given the mini-Favrian eulogy

> Rex Ryan foot story mentioned, with no actual details or (heaven forbid) images

> Seahawks hyped as if they aren't an embarrassment

> Darelle Revis discussed as if he were, well, the guy who played in his jersey last year

> Reggie Bush's Redemption possibilities, since how he will do with 15 touches against a 7-9 team will make everyone forget about that Heisman kerfluffle

> LaDanian Tomlinson and/or Peyton Manning hailed for their great careers, with past playoff failures ignored

> Sean Payton cited as genius for a playbook that (gasp!) throws to many receivers

> Marshawn Lynch cited for his puppy-like excitement at being on a team that is playing an important game, since no game that Buffalo has played in this century qualifies as one

> Adam Vinatieri fluff job

> Jets' "Hard Knocks" participation cited, along with Ryan bulletin board material, because NFL players always play better when the opponent says something naughty

> Drew Brees pre-game battle rap

> Bob Sanders given credit or blame for the Colts run defense, since only one defensive position can impact that

> Manning called a surgeon, field general, coach on the field or martyr/messiah

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