Top Eleven Week Eight NFL Ad Questions

11) Will Wanda Sykes' "whole new dangerous direction in late night" involve any amount of actual humor?

10) Why would I want to patronize the cellular phone plan of cannibalistic pigs?

9) Does Capital One get a lot of their business from Ren Faire Doucebags, and do I have to be one to get their card?

8) How much did Ford have to pay their professional drivers to drive a Taurus, or did they simply allow the drivers to do their work while masked?

7) Is there something perhaps telling that KFC uses simulations, rather than real live meat, to advertise their product?

6) Why does Southwest Airlines think that communicating their luggage policy via the most annoying rap in the history of the world will make me want to patronize their service?

5) If I get a PlayStation 3, will I also get the castrating shrew girlfriend who doesn't let me just use it without hooking it up to the Internet?

4) Why does wearing Nike shoes make people become enraged by their training sessions?

3) Do the DVD extras on the new release of "G.I. Joe" answer all the questions that I had after not seeing it in the theaters? (Mostly, these involve Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols ending their fight with sex. A man can dream.)

2) Why does Microsoft make me want to think that everyday idiots are involved in the creation of their software?

1) Hasn't Ripley had enough trouble in outer space by now?