Someone Stop This Man

FTT has to announce a death tonight. That big payday we were counting on from betting against the Chargers in their playoff game next year? Gone.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-chargers-schottenheimerfired&prov=ap&type=lgns

Some may blame the termination of MartyBall in San Diego on his inability to keep his assistants (really, Wade Phillips is worth someone's job?), or his staggering 5-13 playoff record, or his incredible tendency to coach big games with both hands around his throat and his leg down his mouth. (Marty's spry for an old guy.)

But we at FTT choose to lay the blame where it belongs -- on Bill "Thug Hoodie" Belichick. Let's go to the rap sheet:

1) Homewrecker - http://thetrack.bostonherald.com/moreTrack/view.bg?articleid=149076

Can you see Bill as Neighbor Carl in the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie? Neither can we. But just by mentioning that, we've pocketed $10K from Turner, an apology, and caused people in Boston to soil themselves. (Boo!)

2) Bully - http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/01/09/candid_camera/

We remember that limp shove, Hoodie. Won't someone please think of the children?

3) Bad Boss - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16936419/

Dammit, only TV's "House" is allowed to play God with people's health! (And after they die, Quincy. But only if there's a table to punch.)

4) Baby Killer

OK, the baby was, well, the Eagles' Super Bowl dream, along with the Chargers' Super Bowl dream. But revenge is a dish best served two years later, on a blog, to a guy who'll never read it. Choke on them apples!

P.S. Solomon Wilcots is still crying over that post-Colts interview, and right now, Bill Simmons is sticking his fingers in his ears and screaming, "I can't read you!" FTT asks only won't someone, anyone, please think of the children.