Friday, February 16, 2007

This Week's Advertiser

(Left, a signed rainbow flag... from one Hardaway, Tim. FTT suspects you don't need us to connect the dots any further than that. And that you need to get your eBay bid on now...

http://cgi.ebay.com/TIM-HARDAWAY-SIGNED-FLOOR-MIAMI-HEAT-PROOF-RAINBOW-FLAG_W0QQitemZ230092780362QQihZ013QQcategoryZ95054QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Are you an athlete with a tragic case of foot-in-mouth? Have you been caught expressing a horribly misinformed opinion that is causing irreparable harm to your reputation and, more importantly, future endorsement contracts... but don't want to pay the high costs of a full PR agency?

You need AthleteApology2000!

Our revolutionary software gives you fast and easy excuses for your ridiculous behavior. Just fill out the ApologyWizard, and the software provides you with:

> Instant Super Contrite Quotes that are significantly more eloquent than your usual voice

> Your choice of Chemical Scapegoat (legal drugs for traditional media, illegal drugs for increased street cred, body chemistry issues for maximum sensitivity)

> The full roster of Socioeconomic Causes for your tragedy (family, racial, posse-related)

> The Mitigating Factor that shows you're worthy of forgiveness (community service, family involvement, past tolerance of media)

> Over 3,000 full-service day and residence spas for Your Long And Arduous Rehab, with travel agents to help you work out the logistics

Don't let another day go by before you do the very least you can do for your reputation. Click here to find out more about AthleteApology2000. You'll be sincerely sorry you did!

No comments: