Expos Is Shorter

Courtesy of DC Sports Blog, proof that your 1-10 NL East punching bag loses beyond the diamond. Can we just have them go back to the Expos unis and look, since that had, you know, fewer letters?

Blogrolling: Now With Extra Knee-Capping, Arson, and Hot Nazi Babe

Tonya Harding, still whining about the world treating her badly. You really don't need to click, but you're going to, aren't you? Yup, me too.

Does it make me a bad person to (a) wish Harding wasn't so regrettable to look at, (b) wonder whatever happened to Celebrity Boxing, and (c) be filled with a nearly equivalent amount of loathing for Bryant Gumbel? No need to answer.

Charles Barkley is back on the TV tomorrow, and will also get his own reality show just for being a terrible, terrible golfer. I think I speak for all of America when I ask this single question: will there be oral sex?

Tom Waits on the old Letterman show, when Letterman still had the fastball; Tom, of course, has never lost his. Never could stand that dog.



Nick Underhill goes hard on the A-Rod, on the off chance that you haven't gotten enough of that story yet. Better than most.

Fundamentally Unsound offers up another big helping of Answery goodness, for all of you that liked the last batch.



And finally, today's inappropriate humor video from blog favorite Sara Benincasa, a NYC talent with dead-on sensibilities who also does a great Sarah Palin. If you like her stuff, by all means, click through: there's plenty.

A truly heroic New York Jet

This afternoon as I put my head down and did the Day Job, a plane landed in the Hudson River, probably no more than half a mile from my desk.

At the end of my day, I walked to my train station, got on my usual subway, and suffered the indignity of a regional rail ride that was 10 minutes later than usual.

So while most will give huge props to the still unnamed pilot that saved 150 people with lightning-quick and precise action... well, not so fast. That was still 10 whole minutes in my life that I'm not getting back. I'm sure Brett Favre would've done it better.

Make with the funny

Just because dead bodies at the top of the blog seems not so, well, Friday-ish. Though it does say cold post-holiday January quite nicely.

Top 10 least relevant NFL facts for the next round of the playoffs

10. Kevin Kolb's contract expires after the 2010 season

9. If Chris Snee hadn't married Tom Coughlin's daughter, Madison Hedgecock would have been required to

8. When he was in the Arena League, Kurt Warner was a practicing Pastafarian

7. Steelers free safety Ryan Clark is thinking of letting his hair grow out

6. Carolina fullback Brad Hoover's desire to be called "Rock" (to DeAngelo Williams's "Paper" and Jonathan Stewart's "Scissors") has failed to achieve locker room or media acceptance

5. Tony Siragusa's continued attempts to pal around with Haloti Ngata are getting more than a little awkward, especially since Ngata doesn't know who he is

4. No matter which teams won last weekend, this next slate of games would have also been rematch games, if you just take the long view

3. By not losing last weekend, the Patriots solidified their standing as the best team ever to not make the playoffs

2. When Darren Sproles was a baby, his non-"Tank" nicknames were Snuggle Lumps, Super Poopy Pants and Little Mister Fussbudget

1. Kerry Collins is only two wins away from his second Super Bowl loss, and two years away from his sixth team

Profane, Obvious, and Fun

Just like my prom date. WHOA! BA DA BING!

Video For My Commute

I'm really hoping the evening goes better than the morning. Otherwise, it's not going well for the Shooter Kids...

Today's Tactless Veteran's Day Joke

I'd thank all of the men and women who have sacrificed so much for their country, but I don't have the day off. So I just don't have the time, OK?

Today's Obvious NBA Snark Moment

The NBA has announced that the Maloof casino in Vegas can take NBA bets, so long as they don't take bets on their Sacremento Kings.

So... the Kings are still in the NBA?

Is he Polish?

(And yes, this is just a transparent attempt to goad the Shooter Wife. As our two kids demonstrate, she's not only easy to trick, she's also easily invaded.)

Quench Your Thirst With Seahawk Sweat

This story kind of boggles the mind and palate, but if it takes off, I can see many spin-off flavors... Lions Taint, Giants Flopsweat, Raiders Musk, etc.

And as always, I lament the fact that when Sprite had Kobe during AnalGate, it didn't do more with Obey Your Thirst. The opportunities were, um, endless.

Epic Drop: 12 Steps To Trolldom

Nation,

A little inside blogger baseball for you today. It's the 12-step program for how to be a better anonymous troll (i.e., someone who posts more or less useless and unfunny stuff in the comments section).

You can click, or you can just skip right to the punchline and fill this post up with anonymous and useless comments...

The Easiest Joke Of The Day

Word out of Tampa Bay is that fullback Mike Alstott is going to announce his retirement, and that the team is flying in Warrick Dunn to take the first 90% of his speech...

Easiest Sports Joke Of The Day

ESPN Headline:
Retired (WNBA Star Chamique) Holdsclaw Lost Interest In Game

You and us both, sister! (rim shot)