NFL Sprawl

Blogfricans weigh in on the NFL thinking about going to an 18-game schedule. I'll save you the clicking to give you the three views you are allowed to take.

1) Yay! More Football!

I, for one, applaud our NFL Overlords, because it will give me several more weeks of not caring or watching any sport other than football. Also, despite my rampant football hard-on, I refuse to watch any new league. Like, say, a real spring football league.

2) We Fear Change!

The current 16-game schedule with a bye, despite only being in place for a decade or so, is the zenith of human accomplishment and must not be messed with. After all, what will this do to the career records that no one really cares that much about, or the Hall of Fame that even fewer care about. Besides, everyone's gonna get hurt!

3) Yay! More Gambling!

Finally, fantasy sports can remain relevant for an extra two weeks, despite the fact that a third of the people that play in leagues quit after the first month anyway. This will cut down on the amount of time that I have to think about anything other than my nerding!

As you might imagine... I'm going a different way.

Reasons to like it:

1) Less preseason games. Along with minor league baseball, the lack of a college football playoff and Super Bowl ads, preseason football games are an offense against God and country. The idea that NFL season ticket holders have to pony up for these useless exhibitions should be the cause of a class-action lawsuit, and if you think that the longer regular season will just make for more injuries... well, every year in preseason meaningless games, we see guys suffering season and career ending injuries.

2) Less preseason football might mean less preseason football coverage. Who will tell us that it's hot out there when our newspapers all go away?

3) More even scheduling. Last year, any division that played the Wests had a huge tactical advantage. Two extra games should help to make that less compelling. (And you thought the Patriots were 11-5 on the merits, or that the Jets weren't mostly horrible.)

Reasons to Dislike It

1) It will contribute to the growing pussification (see the raft of new safety rules that the league is putting in this year, with no more wedge, defensive players that must rise up and dust themselves off before continuing to inconvenience the quarterback, and the all-new category of defenseless defensive player (Izell Jenkins is back!) more or less neutering Hines Ward. It's a game for men, by men, filled with people who won't be able to walk by their mid-40s. Do you really want to see even more judgment calls in the hands of these refs?

2) By the time that the league went to ground last year, with NFLN games adding to the noise, do you know who was sponsoring them? Amway. Now, I'm not going to get into a full scale pissing contest with those people, because I like the current location of my teeth and marginal legal assets. But let's just say that it's not exactly the same tier of advertiser that you've come to expect with the NFL.

Now, what do you think these telecasts are going to look like in 2009, with the economy in full retreat, and advertising budgets circling the drain?

Right. The NFL will be *lucky* to have Amway. And you know what you are really going to see? Well, it will start here...



and eventually wind up with Tony Siragusa wearing one on the sideline.

I loves me some NFL, but is another month of it worth that? Think hard. Some things that are seen can not be unseen.

Week Seven NFL Picks: The Best Week Ever

Since the last time I wrote a picks column, the Philles won the NLCS, the Ealges won in San Francisco, Dallas, Washington and New York all lost... Pac Man Jones was suspended, Tony Romo and Felix Jones got hurt, and Wall Street lost 5 billion points. Proof positive that when Philly Fan is happy, we're all doomed.

I'd say more about this, but given that the world is about to end, we're just going to cut to the chase. I've got a 2 o'clock with the Whore of Babylon (she works in midtown). My picks are in CAPS.

Dallas at ST. LOUIS (+10.5)

I suspect this line is continually shrinking, given how the Cowboys keep shedding starters. They come off a devastating loss in Arizona, while the Rams broke into the win category on the road in Washington. So why is the line so large? Because the Rams won on a defensive touchdown and a pass interference call, and they are, well, horrible. But given that the Rams will be facing a team with pure rookies at the corners, no Felix Jones to stretch the field with the running game, some unknown punter, a fresh sideshow in Roy Williams at wideout, and -- most importantly -- a quarterback (Brad Johnson) who can't go deep or avoid the rush... well, I don't think it's outside of the realm of possibility that the home team pulls the upset.

At the very least, they'll make the cover.

Cowboys 24, Rams 20

Baltimore at MIAMI (-2.5)

My, my, my... Joe Flacco's certainly fell to earth, hasn't he? Almost as if I've predicted it. (Let me try to re-set my shoulder from the back patting there.) This week, he goes to Miami to face a frisky Dolphins team that spit the bit late on the road against the Texans. If the Ravens are going to make a run at the NFC North, they need to get it done this week... but I don't think they are going to. It'll be ugly on both sides.

Dolphins 20, Ravens 13

San Francisco at GIANTS (NL)

Here's my favorite new theory on why West Coast teams stink on ice in road games on the East Coast -- their bodies are trying to play football at 10am, and they just can't adjust. Um, what? I get that it's not optimal, but if this is the case, why not just stay on the East Coast longer, practice here, and try to prevent that from having any kind of impact?

Right. Because it's horse flop.

Look, the reason why West Coast teams stink when they come East is that most of them aren't very good right now. When the division was good -- you know, when the Niners dominated the NFC West, or the Raiders stomped people -- the air flights were harder. And yet, they still pretty much stomped people on the road. The reason why was that they were good. Really good.

Unlike, say, this Niners team, who can't protect the quarterback, and can't play 60 minutes with quick screens and draws to avoid the rush. Luckily for them, the Giants don't get enough push on the quarterback anymore (see last Monday in Cleveland). But on the road in New Jersey, and with the early start time (hah! I kill me), they aren't getting it done.

Giants 31, Niners 20

NEW ORLEANS at Carolina (-3)

Can someone please explain the NFC South to me? Carolina crushes Atlanta at home, then gets crushed by the Bucs on the road. Atlanta is supposed to be the worst team in the division, and yet they probably have the best wins (in Green Bay, against Chicago at home). Tampa doesn't seem like they can score over 20 points unless the defense scores. And then there's the Saints, who move the ball like mad, seem to get some push at times on defense, and look like the most entertaining 8-8 team ever.

Well, I'm getting sucked into the road team again, but honestly, this is a coin flip. I'm just going with the Saints because when Jake Delhomme is bad, he's really, really bad.

Saints 31, Panthers 27

SAN DIEGO at Buffalo (NL)

The Chargers come off a going-away win against the suddenly pathetic Patriots, while the Bills were on the bye. If you believe the hype, this is one of those dreaded West Coast Team on a 1pm game death moments, and the Bills are ready to solidify their hold on the AFC East. I'm just not buying the idea that this Bills team has the horses to keep up with a team that can score a lot of points, and this year, that's the Chargers.

Chargers 27, Bills 21

Minnesota at CHICAGO (-3)

I'm surprised by this line, really. The Bears lost a game they should have won in Atlanta, while the Vikings had to sweat out a win over the utterly awful Lions at home. In this game, I think Gus Frerotte makes more mistakes than Kyle Orton, and while Adrian Peterson will have more yards than Matt Forte, the quarterback mistakes are more meaningful. Watch out as well for Devin Hester in this game, since Brad Childress seems to like to kick to game-breaking return men.

Bears 24, Vikings 16

PITTSBURGH at Cincinnati (NL)

I don't much care what the line is for this game, so long as Ryan Fitzpatrick is quarterbacking the Bengals. Lo, is he awful. The Steelers also are off a bye, get Willie Parker back from injury, and have the corners to take away the Bengal wideouts. Look for the Steelers to force turnovers and win in a runaway.

Steelers 38, Bengals 17

TENNESSEE at Kansas City (+7)

Here's what this line means: someone in Vegas thinks the Chiefs will score. I don't share their enthusiasm. The Chiefs are coming off a bye, but it won't be enough. Look for the Titans to keep Larry Johnson under 40 yards, and spend most of the day falling over themselves trying to score defensive touchdowns.

Titans 20, Chiefs 9

Detroit at HOUSTON (NL)

The line I've heard here is in the 8 to 10 point range, which is kind of amazing, given that the teams will combine for 1 win all year. Houston got it last week, with a bit of a miracle job against the Dolphins. With Dan "Running Out Of My End Zone In Pants Wetting Fear" Orlovsky at the controls, this will be the one week this year that you'll be interest in playing the Texans defense in fantasy. This is also the only late game for Fox all day. Bet they put a bunch of cameras on Calvin Johnson, just to see when he quits in abject frustration? (You're also really going to like Steve Slaton in this game.)

Texans 34, Lions 17

NY JETS at Oakland (+3)

The corollary of the earlier cross-country is the Jets going west to Oakland, where they get to face the eternal mystery that is Oakland. The home team can run the ball, and the Jets' secondary isn't good; there will be openings downfield for JeMarcus Russell to find. A shame that he doesn't have the wideouts to get there, or the accuracy to find them... or, well, a coach that can give them any chance late. The Favre legend continues, and Packer Fan will start melting down over the Rodgers-Favre decision any minute now...

Jets 26, Raiders 21

Cleveland at WASHINGTON (NL)

Gee, the Browns can look good when they throw deep and utterly dominate the line of scrimmage! This week, they go to Washington, who have to be smarting over that home loss to the Rams. Both teams desperately need the game, but you get the feeling that the home team is just better coached (seriously, how do the Browns have a dozen false start penalties at home?). I also think that, unlike the Giants, the Redskins will be smart enough to just run the ball and win.

Redskins 23, Browns 17

INDIANAPOLIS at Green Bay (pick'em)

Rut roh, the Colts are back! I'm not sure why this is a pick'em game, given that just a few weeks ago, the Packers lost to the Falcons at home.. and well, Peyton Manning is a lot better than Matt Ryan. For the Packers, they're going to hope that the Colts don't bring their run defense, and that Ryan Grant can finally be productive, rather than just persistent. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Colts 31, Packers 20

Seattle at TAMPA BAY (NL)

Perhaps the worst Sunday Night Football game you will ever see - seriously, NBC, you do know that the Seabags are terrible on the road, wounded and trying to put Mike Holmgren on an ice flow ASAP? The Bucs come off a smackdown of the Panthers, and will do more of the same against a Seahawks team that won't get more than 250 yards in this game. That includes garbage time. They'll also give their offense a short field repeatedly.

Bucs 30, Seahawks 13

DENVER at New England (-3.5)

The weekend in bad evening games continues in New England, as two dramatically flawed teams fight for a big prize. Normally in games like these, you can count on the Pats for a bounce-back game after a bad loss... but that was a night game as well, and the Broncos are a coverage nightmare, especially if Eddie Royal can go. There's also this: Matt Cassel has officially entered the realm of unownable fantasy quarterback, which also makes him worrisome in any gambling situation.

Denver 24, New England 21


Last Week: 8-6

Year to date: 47-39-2

Touchy, Touchy

In the very real chance that you missed it yesterday, I'd like to direct you to the uproar that yesterday's list caused over at the Carnival. For those of you who would rather not click, it was my list of cursed NFL positions, including such luminaries as Chicago QB, Eagles Coach and Cardinals Owner. For the most part, fans from the tweaked fan bases look it in stride, added fuel to the fire (I did not know that the last time Lion QB made a Pro Bowl was in 1972), or pointed out my occasional mistakes (I should have said Eagles outside linebacker, rather than slight reasonable players like Jeremiah Trotter, and, um, Jeremiah Trotter).

Like any good list piece, it was a reasonable bar argument kind of piece, and it got some fairly significant Web attention, thanks to a link from Sports Illustrated.

And then J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan saw it, and then all hell broke loose.

And yes, it upset me, and the other Carnival writers, all the way to the bank.

You see, it turns out that taking a comedic dump on Joe Willie Namath's Legacy is roughly akin to telling a Catholic that the Pope was a Hitler Youth. Or telling a Packer Fan that they might not have lost all of those playoff games in this millennium with a different, less interception-happy, quarterback. Or telling a Yankees Fan that Derek Jeter gives women communicable diseases while being the second-best shortstop on his team. Or finding a Packer/Yankee Catholic and telling him all of these things at once, possibly with a side order of how their mom fares between the sheets when she's working the night shift.

Because oh, my, J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan does not like it even one little bit when you tweak Joe Willie.

Frankly, I don't get it, but maybe it's just a generational thing. If someone wanted to crack on my franchise's beloved quarterback from before I was born, I'd entertain the argument that Norm Van Brocklin might not have been all that great. The numbers really don't measure up against that argument, in that the 1960 Eagles really didn't run the ball all that well, but what the hey. It was 48 years ago. Have at it.

But you see, what we have to really assess Namath isn't terribly compelling. You've got a less than .500 record, with a 50.1% completion percentage, 47 more picks than touchdowns, who threw a lot when he was young and healthy and the Jets were mediocre, threw less when they were good, and then couldn't stay on the field. He made the Pro Bowl five times in twelve years, and didn't do it again after age 29. He was a first-team All-Pro just once. He won, as far as I can tell from the research, two playoff games in his entire career. (The Raiders and Colts, in the Super Bowl III year.)

As good as his leadership might have been in Super Bowl III, the Jets won that game on their defense and ground game. I get that winning the big game as a big underdog set him up for life in New York, but if that's all you have to do to cement your legacy, he should have retired at age 25 and been the football equivalent of James Dean. The '70s counted as well, and for the most part, those weren't very kind to him on the field.

This isn't meant to denigrate his importance as a cultural icon... but, um, isn't the game played between the lines? J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan felt compelled to tell me about Namath's womanizing, his media impact, his swagger. Um, great.

In the modern game, this makes him Matt Leinart.

A better argument would have been to point out that he was well regarded as a player by his contemporaries, that he struggled with injuries that would have been dealt with much better with today's knee surgeons, and that he must have been one hell of a leader, given the way that his teams seem to perform better when he was in the lineup. There's a case to be made. The Sporting News, after all, named him 96th in their Top 100 Players Ever list in 1999, and he made the Hall of Fame very soon after retirement.

Football statistics are heavily dependent on context; for all we know, Sammy Baugh might have been the best guy to ever play the position. It's like comparing apples to venison. When you look at the film, Namath does throw a beautiful ball with a quick release. It's just what happens to it in the air that's the problem.

And if you want to limit to just his contemporaries... I'm sorry, but I'm going with Kenny Stabler. And Len Dawson. Aesthetics aside, Bob Griese won a ton of games and committed very few mistakes. Sonny Jurgenson put up huge numbers in an impossible era for quarterbacks, and also did it with terrible teams. Bart Starr might have been the best of the '60s. Roger Staubach won more Super Bowls, Fran Tarkenton more playoff games, and Johnny Unitas is Johnny Unitas. People can make a case for Terry Bradshaw, not that I would be thrilled to do so. I think I'm taking Namath over Bert Jones. And that's just from his era.

And, moving beyond Namath, not that J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS Fan was really very interested in doing that... um, guys? Richard Todd threw 30 picks in a year. Pat Ryan still gives me Kotite-esque nightmares. Glenn Foley was your Bobby Hoying. Kellen Clemens made them give Brad Smith snaps. Chad Pennington longs for Koy Detmer's arm strength. And so on, and so on.

Now, is Jets Quarterback really the most cursed position in pro football? No, of course not. Namath gave them an identity. Vinny Testaverde gave them a forgotten great year, and Pennington was a decent game manager and leader before injuries robbed him of, well, the ability to throw a football.

I could have gone with other picks, like Buccaneer QB or Offensive Lineman, or maybe smacked another coach or owner around. But, well, I didn't... and now we know just how touchy you are about your history. Enjoy your delusions.

With Herman Edwards As Delila

Adam Schefter of The NFL NETWORK reports that the Kansas City Chiefs have proposed a rule to "ban players from having their hair cover or obscure the names on the back of player’s jersey."

Golf clap, Chiefs. Between the tired jokes of old white men asking if you can pull a guy down by his hair, to the head shakes of racists at the sports bar who can't possibly tolerate a culture that isn't their own... well, it's high time that they finally Did Something about this hair thing. And by putting your foot down about this, you'll keep your terrible, terrible team safe from guys like Troy Polamalu, Stephen Jackson and Al Harris -- you know, longhairs who actually have had moments of utility for their NFL teams. Can you take this a step further, please, and ban players with tattoos, or who don't embrace Jebus?

Besides, some of the players with longer hair, I knew who they were without reading the name on the back of the jersey. And where's the fun in that?

Anyway, Chief Player who would like to be enough of an adult to make their own decision about their freaking hair, please note that this rule says nothing about growing it out down to the *front* of your jersey. So just go reverse mullet. And remember, any loss in visibility just keeps you from watching as much of your godawful team!

NFL Picks, Week 16: Into The Meaninglessness

Welcome to the portion of the NFL schedule where two strong but opposite forces face the weary and wary degenerate gambler. On the plus side, we know these teams better than we will ever know them, with a wide and deep knowledge base composed of a 14-game track record. At this point in the season, if you've been paying strong attention, you really do have a decent sense of who will do what... but then the opposite and compelling variable kicks in, which is determining which teams have quit on their coaches, or are playing kids that aren't really better than the veterans, but will give the coaches some idea of what they have before the upcoming draft.

There's also this: home field advantage at this point in the game is highly speculative. Good teams tend to have fan bases that travel, bad teams tend to have fan bases that will gladly sell tickets to try to pay off their investment. Listen to the crowd at the Steelers at Rams game this week, or Cowboys at Panthers. I guarantee you it will have a third of the crowd going the other way.

This leads to strong point spreads and stronger swings, with games getting out of hand and the sense that you have to be a psychologist to give yourself a chance at a payday. Take, for instance, the Seahawks. We know they bully teams at home and that, talent-wise, they look to be the clear #3 team in the conference. Following a bad road loss to a bad home team (Carolina, week 15), you'd normally expect them to have a huge bounce-back laugh riot against the cover-your-eyes Ravens. But maybe they crap the bed again. Maybe the Ravens pull Boller in the first quarter and ride the novelty of waterbug QB Craig Smith to a rage-infused cover after being the only team in the world to be bad enough to lose to the Dolphins this year.

Or the Bengals. Up until last week, you could make the case that this disappointing group of proto-convicts had been the victim of a bad schedule, more than their own inadequacies. So what happens when they go on the road against a flat-out terrible Niners team? They lose to a third-string QB, and Carson Palmer looks like he'll never be the guy he was before the knee injury. And so on, and so on.

You can certainly make the case that until the playoffs, there really isn't much sense in picking these games and putting real money down. And then you look at the lines, and hey, this isn't all that different than usual, and I really like X in the Y game... and anyway, it's what we do. (Besides, I'm still in first in my picks league, which is an indictment of the people in that league, really.)

And with that rousing call to arms, on with the picks!

* * * * *

Pittsburgh covering 7.5 at ST. LOUIS. Consider this game a public and probably early referendum on rookie Steelers coach Mike Timlin (CHECK). His team is actually better on a fast track, given his boom-or-bust RB (Willie Parker, the worst fantasy performance ever for a guy that's in contention to lead the league in rushing yards), his dependence on the passing game for big plays, and his speed over size defense. Last week saw his team get punched in the mouth repeatedly by a Jaguars team that looked for all the world like they were the real Steelers at home. This week, they go against a Rams team that they should just tear apart. And despite my lack of faith in these guys away from home, I'm picking them to do just that.

Dallas covering 10.5 at CAROLINA. Another big road favorite coming off a bad loss at home, needing a big win against a bad team. It's a trend or something. I'm excited about this one, because with Marion Barber making the Pro Bowl despite getting less than a dozen touches a game, maybe they'll finally see what he can do with 25 or 30. Besides, with Romo's thumb banged up and a dominant offensive line, that would be the, um, smart play...

Oakland covering 13 points at JACKSONVILLE. Not so much a trap game as a trap cover. Oakland's been frisky under Josh McNown the last few weeks, and gave Indy all they could handle until late. Yes, the Jags will run for 200+ yards against them, but the funny thing about big rushing days is that they don't always translate into big point wins. If this line was 9.5, I'd go with the home team, but 13 is just too much.

Kansas City as a 4.5 point dog in DETROIT. I like the Chiefs defense a little, and after the el foldo that God did on the Lions this year, I think Ford Field is nice and quiet. Hey, is there still time for a rousing Fire Millen protest, or did we miss that this year? It's amazing what six wins buys you in the Motor City.

INDIANAPOLIS covering 7 in Houston. Time for the Colts to start imposing their will on lesser teams, and Peyton Manning gets rid of the ball too fast for Mario Williams to take over this game. Also, Andre Johnson's career numbers against the Colts are terrible, and the Texans won't stay close unless he reverses that. He won't.

NEW ORLEANS covering 3 against Philadelphia. Thanks to the Bears collapse in Minnesota, this game is meaningless for the Eagles. The last time that Donovan McNabb played a meaningless game for the Eagles is... at some point in the past that I'm not going to look up right now, because crying would be embarrassing and all. A problem for the Eagles in this game is that Reggie Bush might play, and the Eagles make him look better than he is... and Takeo Spikes, who finally was starting to look good the last few weeks, is done for the year. Brees will screen when he isn't finding Marques Colston, who is just the kind of big WR (Burress, Owens) that can just wipe out the Eagles secondary.

BUFFALO as a 3-point dog against the Giants. Fun fact: who has the third-best road record in the NFL? It's the Giants, who have managed to have the defense crank it up nicely to cover for the ever-shrinking Eli. So why am I taking the Bills, who lost their remaining chance at the post-season in the snow in Cleveland last week? Because I just can't imagine the Giants continuing their road mastery, especially with Jeremy Shockey done for the year. I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs, I really can't...

Green Bay covering 8.5 at CHICAGO. Would the Bears still be playing relevant football if Brian Griese had been under center last week, instead of Kyle Orton? Probably. Is the Bears defense officially in Pride Mode now (finally!) after stepping up and mostly stopping Adrian Peterson last week? Maybe; it sure helps when Urlacher is allowed to run all over the field. Will any of that matter against a Packers team that's been blessed by the gods this year, and even seems to have lucked into a decent back in Ryan Grant? Not especially. Count on Favre to work with a short field and for Bear Fan to spend most of the second half dreaming of high draft pick QBs and/or Donovan McNabb...

Cleveland covering 3 at CINCINNATI. Has there ever been a bigger false dawn than the Bengals? They draft a QB at number one and an acclaimed defensive coach, and they look like the new lords for a little while... and then those mean old Steelers punk them in a playoff game, the QB gets hurt, the coach can't control anyone in the locker room and the defense sucks eggs through a straw. It's as if the DNA of those uniforms reasserted itself after a brief but spirited fight against Not Sucking. Last time these teams played, it was a shootout: this time, a shooting.

ARIZONA covering 10 against Atlanta. Which team has had the worst year for its fans this year? Miami is officially out of contention once they got a win. Philadelphia. Baltimore and Cincy all expected playoffs and got played. The Jets and Niners had hope and got crushed. The Lions had a false dawn before God turned against them. And then there are the 28 remaining Falcons fans on the earth, six of whom are wearing Free Vick shirts, while the other 22 are too beaten down to say anything about it. Let's just say it's not just the coach that quit here. I think I'd give a high school team three points on the Falcons, and the Cardinals are 7 points better than that. I think.

Tampa Bay covering 6 at SAN FRANCISCO. This line shrank by a point during the week, mostly because no one respects the Bucs' talent (no Pro Bowl picks, and no one howling that they got screwed, though you could certainly make a case for Ronde Barber over Al Harris). With recent wins over the Cardinals and Bengals, the Niners are fooling people into thinking they don't stink; they do. Expect the Bucs to befuddle third-string QB Shaun Hill and putting 8+ in the box to shut down Frank Gore. Meanwhile on the other side of the ball, Jeff Garcia Will Have His Revenge... and you know things are going bad for the Niners when there best story this year is that their punter could be the first guy ever to have a net punting average of over 42 yards. (And that's why they pay me the big bucks to write this column: the punting knowledge.)

New York Jets covering as an 8.5 point dog in TENNESSEE. The Jets looked frisky, especially in the secondary, in the messy weather last week in New England. The Titans will also not have the luxury of knowing which QB to prepare for, and while their defense will probably make enough plays for them to win, it won't be pretty. I like the Jets to cover with honor here, as the Titans continue their sad march to an utterly predictable first-round playoff exit.

NEW ENGLAND covering 22 against Miami. Now that the Dolphins have their win, they join the ranks of a half-dozen team in the 16-game regular season era with a single win to their names. Unlike last week's slopcast against the Jets, the weather isn't expected to be a monumental issue in this game, which means that it's time for Tom Brady and Randy Moss to torture all of those people who had them in their fantasy leagues with a taste of what might have been.

SEATTLE (no line) over Baltimore. We touched on this in the opening. With Kyle Boller at the helm for the Ravens, I'm having a hard time seeing how the road team can win in Seattle, especially when their secondary has been toasted and roasted for the better part of the year. The year can't end fast enough in B'More.

Washington covering as a 6.5 point underdog in MINNESOTA. I'd really like to go with the home team here, but good grief... did anyone else see Tavaris Jackson in the MNF game? He redefines horrible, and he won with some numbers, thanks to some long runs after the catch. His footwork is awful, his decision-making is atrocious, he's not accurate, he gets hurt easy... just what, exactly, is the reasoning behind making this a second round pick? If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be pining for Brooks Bollinger. Or maybe just a direct snap on every play to Purple Jesus. I like the Skins to stick around and for Todd Collins to make just enough throws to cover the spread.

SAN DIEGO covering 8.5 against Denver. The last time these teams played, the Chargers broke out the buckets of confetti and unicycles, and that was in Denver. This game is in San Diego, and it's on MNF, which means it's legally required to be devoid of drama. Look out world, the Chargers are officially on the Norv's False Confidence Roll!

Last week: 5-11 (I deserved this after the Anal Leakage theme, right?)
Season to date: 105-108-11

What We’ve Learned: NFL Week 1

Here's the good, the bad and the ugly from the first week in the NFL:

The Colts are still the team to beat. Is it possible that the Colts are better than they were last year? They dominated the game against the Saints on both sides of the ball. They put up 41 points while only yielding 10 against the team that many “experts” picked to win the NFC this year.

The Eagles stink. Or I should say, the Eagles offense stinks. 13 points against Green Bay? The same Green Bay that ranked 25th last year in points allowed per game at 23? The Eagles D was solid, but that offense is something to worry about. And Eagle Fan – you can think all you want that you lost that game because of fumbled punts, but if you can only put 13 points on the board against the Pack, expect more of the same all year long.

Take the “over” on the Cowboys all year. Prolific offense, Swiss cheese defense. Should amount to a lot of points put up on the board each week.

Any doubts about letting Thomas Jones go have not been erased in Chicago. Ced Benson slacked his way through the preseason, and now it shows. Yes, they were playing against one of the toughest defenses in the league, but 2 yards per carry and a costly fumble makes Bear fan miss TJ. Oh, TJ fumbled only once all last year.

Kansas City is in for a long year. Sorry all you fantasy geeks that drafted Larry Johnson. There is no line to block for him and no passing attack to keep the opposing defenses from stacking the box. KC did muster one field goal against the Texans in week 1. One measly field goal. Add KC to the race for the number one pick.