Yes, Quite

From the special needs PR people who write the Sixers e-mails (I do love them -- they're an excellent source of unintentional comedy)...

76ers President and GM Ed Stefanski announced this week that the team has signed free agent guards Kareem Rush and Royal Ivey. Both add solid defense and a threatening long-range shot, while Ivey provides an additional option at point guard.

Emphasis mine.

Now, I don't much care who the Sixers sign to cut in training camp; it makes no difference to me, the NBA, or anyone outside of the eight people in the world who care about summer league records. But, um, why bother putting them into a press release, and why call their outside shots "threatening"? What, exactly, is being threatened? The backboards? The rims? The eyesight of casual onlookers?

If Ivey or Rush could shoot at an NBA level, they wouldn't be the basketball equivalent of Kelly Girl Temps. If either plays more than 200 minutes of regular season play this year for the Sixers, it means that Andre Miller has gotten hurt, Kevin Ollie has been put down for humane reasons, and the team has ceased to resemble an NBA franchise or, well, basketball. That, my dear Stefanski, is the threat. (Or, if you prefer, the threatening.)

With Herman Edwards As Delila

Adam Schefter of The NFL NETWORK reports that the Kansas City Chiefs have proposed a rule to "ban players from having their hair cover or obscure the names on the back of player’s jersey."

Golf clap, Chiefs. Between the tired jokes of old white men asking if you can pull a guy down by his hair, to the head shakes of racists at the sports bar who can't possibly tolerate a culture that isn't their own... well, it's high time that they finally Did Something about this hair thing. And by putting your foot down about this, you'll keep your terrible, terrible team safe from guys like Troy Polamalu, Stephen Jackson and Al Harris -- you know, longhairs who actually have had moments of utility for their NFL teams. Can you take this a step further, please, and ban players with tattoos, or who don't embrace Jebus?

Besides, some of the players with longer hair, I knew who they were without reading the name on the back of the jersey. And where's the fun in that?

Anyway, Chief Player who would like to be enough of an adult to make their own decision about their freaking hair, please note that this rule says nothing about growing it out down to the *front* of your jersey. So just go reverse mullet. And remember, any loss in visibility just keeps you from watching as much of your godawful team!

Z is for ZERO

As in zero wins for Carlos Zambrano in the month of August. This is what you get in exchange for giving a guy a $91 million extension? This is your "ace" pitcher Cubs? Some intestinal fortitude. The Big Zero didn't mind dancing all over the mound in the first inning after he struck out Prince Fielder. But after another poor outing he refuses to speak to the media. Another fine investment by the Cubs.

Here's some stats to chew on Cubs fan. Zambrano's numbers from his last four starts:

IP: 24 1/3

Hits: 36

ERA: 8.14

Record: 0-4

On the bright side, at least there is something in Cubdom that stinks worse than Wrigley Field. And it only cost $91 million. That's only $700,000 more than the eventual division champs, the St. Louis Cardinals, will pay their entire team this year.