Countdown To Armageddon

Today in Milwaukee on a neutral field, Carlos Zambrano threw a no-hitter at the Astros (and hasn't Houston Fan had a fun enough weekend?).

Considering that Big Z was last seen talking about a serious medical problem, giving Cub Fan their latest case of fatalism... this has led most to think that the Cubs are the favorite to represent the NL in the World Series. (And yes, they should be. The other teams in the NL playoffs will likely be the Mets, Phillies and Dodgers, which is to say, three incredibly flawed teams that don't match up at all well with the Cubs.)

Now, I'm pretty sure that Cub Fan isn't going to be overconfident at this point. A century of loss, most of them not even close, has a certain effect on people. But if Zambrano and Rich Harden can stay healthy -- admittedly, not a sure bet, but given how they've managed Harden's work load, not impossible -- it's hard to see how they lose a series.

Once they get to the Series, they'll most likely face the Red Sox, just because God enjoys tormenting the wicked and righteous alike, because It's Funny.

Because Boston Fan is now enjoying Big Karmic Retribution (see Bowl, Super, and Brady, Tom), the Cubs will win.

And when that happens, the National League will finally have a miserable road team Nation to match what the AL's non-Sawx/Yankee franchises have been enduring for lo these many years.

Enjoy!

Epic Drop: Top 15 Reasons The Cubs Won't Win This Year

Here's today's link, and the bonus coverage... the thing that Cub Fan really has to be scared of is that their time as an MLB+ team may be on loan. Sam Zell, their repugnant owner, picked a curious at best time to get involved in a dying medium when he bought the Tribune, and while this mostly just means that he's a very good candidate to turn the franchise over to some other billionaire for a marked-up profit sooner rather than later, there's no guarantee that the next ownership group is going to have incredible pockets, either -- and right now, the Cubs spend like the Yankees, only without the same media empire to help pay for it.

There is no really good reason to spend a lot on the Cubs payroll. They've got a decent enough farm system to be a .500 team, and you're not selling any more seats or having a huge jump in advertising revenue from a winner. The team isn't trying to get a new stadium from the locals by going into a Win Or We Move run. And the more they spend, the more they pay into revenue sharing. Unless you're really just committed to a championship, it's not defensible... and the people who own them next might not have that commitment. (Which is why Cub Fan is really, really hoping for Mark Cuban, and will hold his nose for all that entails to get him. Boy, if you think they're unlikable now...)

So what you have, right here and right now, is a good old-fashioned sprint from the general manager, not that I can blame him for such things. Ted Lilly's contract is actually a bargain under those conditions, but that doesn't mean he's really going to be very good, and Jason Marquis is a poor man's Ted Lilly. What they really needed was for Carlos Zambrano to be a Cy Young candidate and Rich Hill to be a dominant #2 starter. Z hasn't been that and now he's hurt, and Hill's utterly lost in the minors. The offense and bullpen have better than imagined, but the offense is doing it on Geovany Soto and Ryan Theriot -- in other words, a catcher who probably will wear down with workload, and a second basemen playing shortstop who is very likely hitting over his head. (Also, if Edmonds continues to give them a stick, he'll be overcoming years of decay and injury build-up. Let's just say that if you have him in a fantasy league, you're including him in every possible trade package right now.)

They aren't going to turn into a bad team. Lee, Soriano, Ramirez and Fukudome ensure that they'll continue to hit above the average. But right now, they're playing +.600 baseball with a rotation that just doesn't seem to be more than .500, and a defense that is (significantly) less than that. They may be able to win the division by just playing .500 ball the rest of the way (especially if Poo Holes is out for a long time for the Cards), but if this is a top 5 MLB team... well, I'm just not seeing it.

And the fun thing about Cub Fan is that he's not seeing it, either.

What Does a $91 Million Baby Look Like?

Like this. No, I didn't mean to say bonus baby. I meant baby. As in Carlos Zambrano. Apparently Carlos got his feelings hurt yesterday by the fans at Wrigley. According to Carlos, even if you go 0-5 over the past few weeks and get shelled in your latest outing while contending for the division, fans should not show their displeasure in your lack of success.

Little Z (yes you're nickname has even been demoted. "Big" implies that you are a man, which after all the crying yesterday, that is being questioned.) was yanked in the 5th inning and met with a chorus of boos from the crowd. Z pointed to his head as if to say "I won't forget this." Now I know they do things a little different in Venezuela and Ozzie Guillen's threats against other players/reporters have shown me that crazy is a commodity in Venezuela. But Z, come on, do you really want to agitate your fans even more? That usually works out well. And what line of work do you think you're in? You are a professional athlete who just signed a contract that will pay you close to $100 million. When you stink (over a five week period to boot) you will get booed.

Here is what he had to say after the game:

"I don't accept that the fans were booing at me," a seething Zambrano said afterward. "I can't understand that. You know, I thought these were the greatest fans in baseball. But they showed me today that they just care about them, and that's not fair, because when you're struggling, you want to feel the support of the fans."

I am not a fan of the Cubs. Never have been, never will be. They have brought me a lot of joy over the years watching them lose over and over. But I will say this about their fans - they are some of the most loyal, if not the most loyal fans in baseball. They haven't won squat in almost 100 years yet their fans have stuck with them. For Little Z to say that these fans don't care about anybody other than themselves shows that either he isn't very bright or just wanted to find a way to invalidate the fans. Either way it shows what a classless, me first, whiner Little Z is. Guess what Z - you signed the contract, now earn it.

Z is for ZERO

As in zero wins for Carlos Zambrano in the month of August. This is what you get in exchange for giving a guy a $91 million extension? This is your "ace" pitcher Cubs? Some intestinal fortitude. The Big Zero didn't mind dancing all over the mound in the first inning after he struck out Prince Fielder. But after another poor outing he refuses to speak to the media. Another fine investment by the Cubs.

Here's some stats to chew on Cubs fan. Zambrano's numbers from his last four starts:

IP: 24 1/3

Hits: 36

ERA: 8.14

Record: 0-4

On the bright side, at least there is something in Cubdom that stinks worse than Wrigley Field. And it only cost $91 million. That's only $700,000 more than the eventual division champs, the St. Louis Cardinals, will pay their entire team this year.

I Guess There is Crying in Baseball

Who knew? As reported by ESPN, Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett shared a few tears after their little skirmish last week:

"He came to me the next day, and he apologized and I apologized to him and we cried," a teary-eyed Zambrano said after he beat the Milwaukee Brewers on Wednesday. "I still love him."

I'm sure an old-school manager like Lou Piniella is down with the sharing of these kind of feelings. What better way to end a slump in your season than to tell your fellow teammate that you love them.

Here are a few other phrases that you can probably hear most any day at Wrigley:

1. "My therapist thinks having me sacrifice bunt revives feelings of rejection and angst. OK if I just hack away Lou?"

2. "I'm going to pass on extra BP. Oprah is revealing her book of the month club selection right now."

3. "We still get juice boxes and fruit after the game even if we don't win, right?"

4. "Off day tomorrow - who wants to get facials?"

5. "Man, Lou is really uptight. He could use an Appletini or two."

6. "Queer Eye's On!!!"

7. "Listen rook, all these day games will wreak havoc on your skin. Finding the right exfoliant is an important part of your daily routine."

8. "Your fastball isn't moving and your curve has no movement tonight. Need a hug?"

You had me at hello, Carlos. You had me at hello.

Here's some more from our extensive footage collection.

The Carlos Zambrano Salary Drive Continues

Ed. Note -- Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano got into an altercation with his catcher, Michael Barrett, in yesterday's loss to the Braves.



In an FTT exclusive, here's what happened in the clubhouse. Watch if you must, but we warn you -- it's not pretty. Or in English.



In the words of Cubs manager / hall monitor Lou Pinella, "What the heck are we supposed to do?... I only have so many players I can play."

Ed. Note -- Ah, the Cubs are the gift that just keeps on giving.



Once again, FTT has the exclusive clubhouse footage of what happened off the field. Nice to see Mark Prior again, though...