Top 10 Philadelphia Eagles Concessions to Animal Rights Groups

In an attempt to counteract the PR disaster of signing Michael "Pariah" Vick, the Eagles have met with local animal rights groups that were protesting the team. What are they doing to make the controversy go away?

10) Promise to not play Vick until they can bring him in on the road in a hopeless situation in Baltimore

9) Solemnly swear that they won't give him an ironic and unfortunate choice of entrance music

8) Will force Vick to record any number of stilted PSAs

7) Won't mention how that an eagle would totally take a dog in a fight, and that it would probably look utterly bitching

6) Won't rename the hot dogs sold at Lincoln Federal to anything smirk-inducing

5) Provide a special secure area for them to use in tailgating to keep them safe from Eagles Fan... in southern New Jersey

4) Get them off WIP before really unfortunate things happen

3) Make sure that all of the kids out there get the knowledge that, as cool as it might seem to ruin your life and become a loathed criminal, dogfighting is just a bad idea

2) Promise that Vick not only doesn't get into trouble ever again, but also refuse to have another moment of happiness until he is dead, dead, dead

1) Um, pay them a lot of money