Who will get the top spot? Well, I went strictly on a dollar for dollar basis, though I'm not sure how much the top guy took off the table. And if I'm really lucky, one of these fine entities will sue and really drive the ad revenue up...
A quick h/t to longtime friend of the blog CMJ Dad for this one... a story of Jericho Scott. That's him to the right. He's nine years old and throws too hard for Little League, so the league is going to fold his team, rather than let him pitch. No, seriously.
You see, facing some other kid's 40 mph heat when you are a beginning player is too scary for beginners. And yes, there's conspiracy theories afloat that he's being blackballed for not joining the league champions. This is a libertarian wet dream of a movie deal right here.
So the other teams, rather than, um, play and try to hit the kid, just quit. It's the safe thing to do, and much more accommodating to the long-term goal of having the kids enjoy themselves while playing ball.
The obvious knee-jerk response to this is to commence the face and head slapping (yours, then with more luck, theirs), but I'm going the other way on this. I played one year of Little League, stunk on ice, and was afraid that some kid was going to kill me pretty routinely.
The lessons that I learned from that experience were priceless, and those were that I sucked at baseball, and that it would be better for all concerned if I found something better to do with my time. (Namely, hockey, the sport for people who have no vertical leap, depth perception, or fondness for one's shins.)
Look, as a parent, I can understand the desire to shield your kids from crushing failure, but the parents for this place need to embrace the opportunity. By getting shamed and stoned at age nine, they stand to save years of Little League fees, and help to break little Chase and Aston of their unrealistic dreams early. Goodbye, private college. Hello, plumbing school. Scott's parents should farm him out as a service...
So two people at a high school basketball game in Connecticut (shocking, no?) were ejected after not standing up for the National Anthem... and are now contemplating... wait for it... legal action!
Now, every blogger in the world will make the obvious point that the spectators are tools; that's guaranteed, of course, if for no other reason than they made the game more about them than the players. But what if this someone gets the Yankee Gestapo to stop doing the 7th Inning Retch? Or maybe even gets us to the point where a million bad celebs can't torture the anthem with their own special artistic visions?
Well, then these people might be the greatest American patriots of this, or any other, generation. It makes me want to find and salute a flag just thinking about it, really...
Elsewhere in the Blog O Sphere, the proprietor of Fire George Karl.com has possibly received a threatening letter from Karl's lawyer. Here's the money quote:
Is your life really this boring and meaningless that you would spend the hours necessary to create such a website?Now that we've had the wind-up, here's the gist...
As Coach Karl's counsel I am putting you on notice that I will sue you into bankruptcy should you cross the boundaries of permissible speech.
With my football team 1-3, my baseball team eliminated, my basketball team irrelevant and my MLB playoff picks at 0-5 and counting... well, I'm wearing what the SFGate's Tim Goodman calls the Cranky Pants. But that doesn't mean the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket (as opposed, of course, to a footbasket, which is a third of the size of a yardbasket) and that you damned kids better stay the hell off my lawn.
1) There's outrage in the Philippines, according to the AP, for a joke on "Desperate Housewives" (yeah, who knew that show had jokes?) impugning the good name of Filipino medical schools. No, seriously.
On the off chance that we're reaching anyone there that can read these words and isn't just performing a Google search for Naughty Pictures of Teri Hatcher (and who would have thought that Skeletor could be a sex symbol?)... let me clue ya in on a few things.
If we want to make fun of you, we've got better ammo than the medical degrees. There's that whole Bataan Death March, Imelda Marcos, the canine cuisine... so count your freaking blessings already, and Stop Puling.
2) The owners of the song "When You Wish Upon A Star" are suing Fox for airing an episode of "Family Guy" that parodied the song's content for a cheap and easy joke-a-thon about Jews. No, seriously.
I blame the sports for this. What else is this unseemly descent into the world of Mommy Lawyer The Bad Man Said Mean Things, but an echo of the We've Been Disrespected nonsense that sports teams have used for fuel since time began, really?
I realize, of course, that the vast majority of people who walk the earth are not really looking for a quick payday that they don't deserve, and that there are many more people that don't want to be on "American Idol" or "Survivor" or "Who Wants To Whore Themselves In Public For Money" (haven't heard of that one yet? It's a mid-season replacement on Fox)... but cheese and crackers, people, getting your feelings hurt is not rounds for a lawsuit. Go screw.
3) Just to prove to you that I'm not entirely pro-corporate, here's a lovely moment in marketing over common sense...
BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD ASSOCIATION'S mid-Atlantic Group, CareFirst, has launched a campaign via Cramer-Krasselt/Hampel Stefanides, New York. The new effort, with the theme "More to Feel Good About," tells consumers to avoid health problems by making small behavioral changes that can help them feel better and more confident about CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield as a health insurance provider.
One TV spot says that smiling has been proven to lower blood pressure, reduce stress, boost the immune system and release endorphins that make you feel better. It closes with the message that CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield gives consumers more reasons to smile because of its competitive advantage of providing "more choices, more experience and more doctors" with their health plans.
Smile, suckers! We're not paying for your health care! (But remember, a Canadian-style single payer system would just be horrible, and the fact that no other First World nation does anything like what we do here just means We're Very, Very Smart.)
4) Finally, this little kernel of joy for everyone else who is suffering with the high rotation TBS promos during the MLB playoffs... Frank Caliendo is changing the face of late night!
Note, however, that you may want to swing a baseball bat into the skull of the new face until it falls to the ground bleeding and moaning, Then, as it curls up into the fetal position, you'll probably want to grind the nub of the bat into an eye for awhile, just to see if Frank can scream like different people.
I bet he can. Let's find out!
Hat tip, With Leather. You are looking (or, well, could be looking) at the latest Yellow Peril: gas-powered roller skates that take the user up to 20 miles per hour. The right boot holds the gas, and weighs about 10 pounds. Oh, and the skates have no brakes, of course.
So... let me get this straight. We're putting an explosive fuel under our feet, not balancing the propulsion against the other foot, and setting it up with kids. This will end well. (On the plus side, the YouTube skate trick immolations should be spectacular.) That sound you just heard was 5,000 lawyers doing a happy dance...
At least that’s what it feels like. This is the only fitting end to a tragic story – make it worse.
Josh Hancock’s family has sued Mike Shannon and his daughter who own/run the restaurant where Hancock was drinking before he died. Stating it was their fault that their son was drunk. They are also suing the tow truck driver (which Hancock ran into), the tow truck owner and the driver of the wrecked car the tow truck was assisting.
Bryan Burwell of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch wrote a great article on how embarrassing and frivolous this lawsuit is for the Hancock family.
Let’s blame everyone other than Hancock who:
1) Made the decision to have that many drinks;
2) Was not wearing his seat belt;
3) Was speeding;
4) Was talking on his cell phone;
5) Also had marijuana in the car with him; and
6) Didn’t even brake before hitting the truck.
How about this idea Hancock family – Josh got really drunk and made a tragic mistake. But if you must continue with this ridiculous lawsuit don’t forget to include the following person’s in the suit:
1) Ford - the manufacturer of the car Josh was driving for not making it indestructible to 85 mph collisions.
2) The rental agency where Hancock rented the Ford Explorer.
3) Tony LaRussa’s late inning pitching substitutions that would drive anyone to drink.
4) Bud Selig and MLB’s schedule makers. If the Cardinals would have been on the road that day, Josh would not have been driving.
5) Jacque Jones – he knocked in a run against Hancock in the game before his death.
6) Verizon – they did distract him by allowing him to have cell phone coverage.
Get the point? Ridiculous.
