Top 10 NFL Week 5 Takeaways

Schaub-Tastic

10) The Eagles are now, officially, the wost team ever to be tied for the lead in their division after five games

9) Jacksonville overcame the loss of their starting LT and QB to nearly cover the spread while occasionally resembling an NFL offense

8) Tom Brady failed to throw for a touchdown in a rainy loss at Cincy, proving that the move to Drew Bledsoe was a mistake after all

7) Tony Romo had the most Tony Romo-esque day ever by throwing for 5 TDs and 506 yards while also costing his team the game with a clutch mistake

6) The NFL found a woman who didn't think about breast cancer awareness until she saw pink on a field, and will actually admit to being this brain-dead in public

5) Baltimore ended all of those thoughts that Miami might actually be, you know, kind of good or something, and are right back in the hunt in the middling AFC North

4) New Orleans moved to 5-0 with Sean Payton back as head coach, Rob Ryan as defensive coordinator, and Saints Fan as absolutely convinced that Roger Goodell cost them a Super Bowl last year

3) For the fourth straight game, Texans QB Matt Schaub threw a TAInt, which is somehow an all-time record in a league that has seen Vinny Testaverde, Ryan Leaf, LaMarcus Russell and so many other atrocities

2) Oakland moved their game to late night to accommodate the needs of the A's and the costume-adverse sensibilities of NFL fans

1) Denver beat Dallas in a 51-48 game that many people will call the game of the year, because many people really hate tackling, defense, and anything that doesn't speak to fantasy / stat nerdery