Top 10 ways sports makes you stupid

10) Tailgating. I realize that I'm winning no friends with this, but you do realize that if we called this Homeless Cookout, Camping On Concrete or Loitering Near Athletes that it'd be less wonderful, right?

9) Triumph dances, fist pumps and high fives. No real way to avoid them in the stadium, so you might as well go with the flow and slap knuckles with random disease carriers. Don't leave me hanging!

8) Jersey sales. On a bad whim last year, I broke down ten years after the rush and got a jersey of my favorite NFL player, from my favorite laundry. Two games later, Donovan McNabb lost an NFC Championship Game and got his ribs cracked open. Not the best way to spend $60, really...

7) Road Trips. For a mere grand or so, I could jump on a plane and take the Shooter Mom to see our Eagles in San Diego, and stay at my brother's place. It'd be... Like going to a football game that I can't really afford to go to. Dammit.

6) Fantasy sports annuals. Hey, spend $7 to $10 for an outdated magazine that tells you very little that you did not already know. It's Tradition! And if you just draft a team without crazed nerdwork, you can't be as bitter when they suck!

5) Parenting. I've spent untold hours trying to get my daughters to care about sports, then more or less ignoring them when they wandered off while the game is on. Just because it's common does not make it good parenting...

4) Blogging. Because you really want a second, very low-paying job that feels more like a compulsion.

3) Announcing. And just think, this is actually a good year for it, what with John Madden and Tony Kornheiser gone. Now, all we need is for Tony Siragusa to succumb to one of those awful maladies that hit former players. Come on, metabolic syndrome!

2) Autographs. Indefensible on any level except the magic of finding a bigger sucker, the idea that your brief Brush With Greatness has some form of Large Meaning and Serious Payday shows that Teh Dumbness is completely contagious.

1) Gambling. Hey, but at least my opening 5-11 pick'em week had some side benefit, eh?