You Crap The Bed!

It's time for the hottest new game from the NFL, where we give you game calling options and see how you stack up to actual NFL coaches. That's right, it's time for You Crap The Bed! Let's play!

Our first round gives you the reins of the Philadelphia Eagles in the third quarter of their home opener against the Saints. The score is 34-13 Saints, and you have a third and goal at the Saints 4 yard line in your bid to keep the game in doubt. You are also operating with backup QB Kevin Kolb, making his first NFL start. Do you:

1) Put the ball in the hands of your best established offensive weapon, Brian Westbrook

2) Put the ball in the hands of your best emerging offensive weapon, DeSean Jackson

3) Throw the ball into the end zone to reasonably sized targets like Jason Avant or Brent Celek, or

4) Have Kolb run some kind of gimmicky crap wishbone with fumble-prone rookie LeSean McCoy

If you answer 4, preferably while running in a circle with your head on the ground in your best possible Curly Howard impersonation...

You Crap The Bed!

And let's see what you've won! A one yard gain, leading to a fourth down play where you actually choose (3) instead, scoring on a throw to Avant.

Now, let's go the Go Stand Under A Tree Wearing Metal In A Lightning Storm Round. You are at the helm of the San Diego Chargers in their home opener against the Ravens. It's 31-26 Ravens with 41 seconds left, and you have a fourth and two at the Ravens 15 yard line with one timeout left. Quarterback Phillip Rivers has thrown for 436 yards to keep you in the game, and your running game has gotten you 48 yards on 20 carries. LaDanian Tomlinson is inactive for this game. Do you:

1) Throw short to waterbug Darren Sproles, who has 7 catches for 124 yards and a touchdown

2) Throw medium to tight end Antonio Gates, who has 5 catches for 78 yards, and is probably the best at his position in the league

3) Throw long to emerging wideout Vincent Jackson, who has 6 catches for 141 yards and a touchdown

4) Bring in a double tight end power formation and give the ball on an internal run to Sproles, who at this point in the game has 9 carries for 31 yards on the day, because there is just no chance in hell that the Ravens could think you'd be just that stupid

If you answer 4, preferably while digging into a sumptuous post-game meal of paste and more paste...

You Crap The Bed!

Your fabulous prize is an absolutely stuffed, game-ending loss of five yards, punctuated by the Spasmodic Dance Stylings of noted homicide enthusiast Ray Lewis. You've also earned a tense post-game press conference where your starting QB has to overcome his natural douchebag urges to throw you under the bus for the play call, and the enduring hatred of your fan base, who is rightly convinced that your wildly talented team ain't going nowhere with your Norvalicious self at the helm.

Tune in next week for more magical moments, and remember... with just a little luck and determination, you too can Crap The Bed. Good night, everybody!