Nice effort, Sonics

I don't usually point out single games from the Association, but when this comes over the wire...

Denver 168
Seattle 112

Well, boy and howdy. Have the Sonics already packed?

The Nuggets shot over 60% from the floor, were 30 more than the 138 they put up against Seattle 18 days ago, and the most that the team has ever put up in regulation. Even more remarkable, they did it without Carmelo Anthony or Allen Iverson going off. Instead, the visitors were giving away points to anyone who walked on the floor, with 8 Nuggets in double figures, Marcus Camby leading the way with a triple double.

It's the third straight blowout win for the Nuggets, with the other coming against Memphis and the Raptors. They're still a game and a half behind the Warriors for the 8 seed, but that's not the telling point. The telling point is that Seattle is now 16-51, 1-9 in its last 10 games, and a no-doubt choice as the worst team in the Association right now... and maybe I'm just reading too much into a year when the team is playing without any kind of home-court advantage given the franchise weirdness that's going on right now, but I can't help shake the idea that when you lose like this, you're well and truly screwed, regardless of your talent situation or cap deal.

Next year or two, when they've got a new arena and/or home situation, they'll still need to lose their coach (PJ Carlesimo, who's doing such a stellar job here). They'll still have a roster full of guys who, with the possible exception of rookie power forward Jeff Green, show no interest or inclination in playing defense. They'll still have three point guards on the roster that would all be better suited to being a change-of-pace guy off the bench, rather than getting starter's minutes. They'll still have no one on the roster who should play shooting guard. Their centers either rebound (Nick Collison) or block shots (Robert Swift and Johan Patro), but never both at the same time. Chris Wilcox provides the emptiest 13 and 7 in the Association.

Which leaves the Franchise, rookie small forward Kevin Durant. If the 41% from the floor and 28% from the three-point line doesn't scare you, how about the 4.1 boards in 33.6 minutes per game? On a team with no dominant rebounder (Collison leads with 8.8 per game), he's boarding at nearly the same rate as Earl Watson, who's 8 inches shorter, and well, a point guard. That pre-draft workout experience where he couldn't lift weight is starting to seem more relevant now, isn't it?

Oklahoma City, be careful what you wish for...

Memo To Celtics Fan

Garnett isn't coming.

Jermaine O'Neal said no, too.

You don't have enough to get Kobe, and he doesn't want to be there, either.

Shawn Marion isn't coming through the door. (On the bright side, neither is Rick Pitino.)

Your team is anchored by two aging wing players, a big man who hasn't put up numbers outside of a garbage time tank season, and a bench that makes my Sixers look... comparable.

The most two important positions on the floor -- center and point guard -- are manned by foul and turnover-prone players with absolutely no offensive game (Perkins and Rondo).

Your coach could not find his ass with both hands and a map. Your GM hired your coach.

You aren't relevant now, you won't be relevant later, and your future looks worse than the Knicks.

So enjoy the latest KG rumors. Like every other deluded franchise and fan base, the straws that you grab at will always seem more plausible in the off-season.

The WNBA Story

(One of a continuing series of Mostly True Stories of Bad Sports Fan Moments. The image choice is the best thing I can relate to the Sacramento Monarchs. Honestly.)

Several years ago, I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area and went to a gym. To give Mrs. Shooter (why, yes, there is a Mrs. Shooter – and no, you will not be reading her views on Z-list celebs and reality TV, because she is too smart to give a crap) a break, I’d take #1 Daughter with me, and drop her in the kids’ area while I worked out. At the time, Daughter #1 was four, and prone to asking leading questions.

So one night as I am getting her out of there, she looks over at the basketball courts. “Daddy, why are those mommies playing basketball?”

Slowly, it dawns on me… the girl has never seen women athletes before. I had taken her to dozens of baseball games, have her hang out with me while I have watched any number of football or basketball games… and nope, there’s never been women having a more profound role than cheerleader or sideline reporter. There was, of course, only one solution. One bone-chilling solution.

The WNBA.

With good seats available in Sacramento, it was not even all that far away.

* * * * *

We chose a Saturday night game with the Monarchs vs. LA. I was hoping for just a touch of that Kings-Lakers NoCal-SoCal hate, but no such luck – booing, it would appear, is primarily a male trait. Mostly, the crowd cheered when Sacto scored and groaned when LA did, or just seemed happy to be in air conditioning for a few hours.

The building was about a third full, but Arco is a nice enough place that it did not seem too bad. The game was forgettable; lots of short jump shots and turnovers, with LA’s Lisa Leslie pretty much having her way. No one seemed to care that much, least of all my 4-year-old, who watched for a few minutes, got the gist that girls could do this too, and then did what she always does at games – pine for junk food.

There was, however, one striking moment of wonderfulness. With about 15 minutes left in the game and LA starting to pull away, the home team played its big hole card to get the crowd back into it. With a big drum roll, the announcer welcomed our special guest of the evening… NCAA Champion and Sacramento King Mateen Cleaves! (Wiki page for Cleaves on the click. Wow, the 2000 draft was a stone stinker.)

Now, on the off chance that you’ve forgotten Mateen… he’s a 12^th-man kind of point guard, notable only for his off-the-charts bench celebrations in Kings-Lakers games of the era. Mateen could make a six-month-old golden retriever look calm and reserved. And here he was, the crowd rising from a refreshing nap to clap for him… and he’s shielding himself from the camera, like he has just been forced to do a perp walk in front of the media.

Ever hear the sound of 3,000 people who all stop clapping in a fit of embarrassment? I have. Now, back that up with the PR announcer going deeper for it. “Come on folks! Give it up for him! Sacramento King – Mateen – CLEAVES!” By the time it was done, Mateen looked like he was trying to figure out a way to crawl through the floorboards.

I’m sure that the NBA had a rough time in the early days. I admire, as a father of daughters, the fact that David Stern keeps trying to make women’s basketball a viable pro sport, even though I’m sure my kids will never go near that career path. People who get their jollies out of making WNBA jokes make me uncomfortable. It’s just too easy of a target, and it hints at an overall bad attitude towards women.

But I’m pretty sure that when being at your event makes Mateen Cleaves hide, you are decades away from being a real league.

In other news, I’m pretty sure Mateen cut my grass last week.

March Sadness

That is for all you suckers out there that think they can handle The Truth.

I've been asked to pick games for Five Tool Tool. And rightfully so. This will be easier than suckering Isiah Thomas into a bad trade. Pick games against other bloggers who think they know something about college hoops? They'd have an easier time as Britney Spears next PR handler than beating me.

Here's the deal - unlike filling out a bracket and seeing what happens, this contest is about betting on games - against the spread, straight up and over unders. Everyone starts out with 100,000 points. Let me save everyone the trouble now. Quit. You don't want The Truth. You can't handle The Truth.

While you're picking the trendy Winthrop and Old Dominion to be the Cinderellas of this years tourney, I'll be counting your money in my winnings and leaving you with Cinderella's ugly step sisters.

You've been warned. The Truth has spoken.