The Blake Griffin Suicide Watch Begins Now

With the Clippers winning the lottery tonight, they get the first pick in this year's draft -- one hopes they do better with it than, say, Micahel Olowokandi -- and while I don't want to depress any of the fourteen remaining Clip Fans in the world, I'm not seeing how consensus number one pick Blake Griffin is going to fix this mess. Not unless he's able to make Baron Davis younger and/or healthy, give Zach Randolph a heart and brain transfusion, and arrange to have Mike Dunleavy killed and replaced by an actual coach.

Seriously, there is no reason -- none -- to be a Clip Fan. The owner is the worst in the Association, the talent and cap situation is utterly beyond repair, and no ping-pong ball bounce is going to change any of that. As an Association fan, I'm actually bummed that he's going to go to NBA Siberia; he might put up fantasy numbers, but he'll play no games of consequence, and being a Clipper means that his chance of catastrophic injury just went through the roof. But if he's got any kind of sense, he won't sign anything beyond the intro deal, and get the hell out of town as soon as he can.

But hey, Griff, it could've been worse. You could have been going to Sacramento!

Punishment Names

Back in the '90s, before Donald Sterling was even pretending to try with the Clippers (we knew it as The Stanley Roberts Era), I had a simple but potent idea that would prevent tanking.

Here goes: if you were the last place team in your division that year, the next year, you had to be known as the Clippers -- no matter where you were from. So we'd have six Clipper teams a year (or seven, in the event of the Original Clips not finishing in the cellar). If this system were in place, the Celtics wouldn't have won the championship last year -- that'd be a Boston Clipper Crown. Which I think would have been easier for all of us to take, really. It also would (usually) work as a public service to a time-stressed partial season ticket plan holder, and prevent the media from ever taking the Knicks seriously, since they'd frequently by Clippers instead.

Anyway, just because the Assocation does not cop to my mad genius (they called me mad! mad! mad, I tell you!) does not mean that your fantasy league can't benefit. So feel free to saddle your cellar dweller with one of these kill to avoid monickers. This list is chosen for football, since that's what's filling up these days (and speaking of which, my auction / keeper league has slots open if you are so inclined -- email me at dmt shooter at gmail dot com).

Cardinals

Temple Owls

Frenchies

Republican Guards

Hobbits

Klingons

Rainbow Warriors

Oilers

Marching Band

Redskins

OK, that last one's just low. No one should be called the Redskins.

A Trade That Hurts Both Teams

Word on the wires is that the Clippers will be acquiring Marcus Camby from the Nuggets for an embarrassing low price of a couple of second round picks.

Now, assuming the rumor is true... why would the Nugs give up the only guy on the team who is a plus defensive player? Salary Cap Hell, of course, though maybe it's also just part of God's Punishment towards Allen Iverson for being, well, Allen Iverson. How this is supposed to help the Nugs, you know, win basketball games... that's completely off the table.

Having said that, it's not like this is going to help the Clips much, either. The Clips actually already have a center (Chris Kaman, who boards like the angry freak that he is), and already struggle mightily to get scoring from outside of the guards. Adding Camby, who's offensive game is charitably described as Limited, won't help much, and that's assuming he stays healthy.

So what we've got here is one organization (the Nugs) that appears to be on the express elevator down into the depths (Iverson isn't getting any younger, Carmelo Anthony appears to be getting incapable of getting the memo about good team behavior, and George Karl is mailing it in), and another (the Clips) that just imported one injury-prone superstar (Baron Davis) and wants to pair him with another. Oh, and games are won in the Association by teams that can, you know, score a little.

Let's just say that the Western Conference doesn't seem to be getting any more difficult right now...

Heh Indeedy

About the only reaction I can give to the Sixers going out and getting it done with Elton Brand, who is really going to enjoy being a big man in the Eastern Conference, as opposed to the West. Is he enough to make up the gap between them and the Celtics, especially if Andre Miller slides back a little next year? Probably not, but it's nice to dream, and this gives the team a much better plan than Waiting For Thaddeus Young To Get Instantly Great. It also means that there are clearly three over .500 teams in the Atlantic, assuming that Toronto continues to be annoyingly good.

Combined with the still intriguing Samuel Dalembert, you've got the makings of a very good defensive team. Having an actual low post scorer and presence makes the Sixers, well, one of the half dozen teams in the NBA to have that. Brand can bang with Garnett and make him work, and the team suddenly matches up a lot better with those Pistons that keep ending their seasons.

The more sour Philly folks look at this as another in the Coleman / Webber line of broken-down big men, but it's not like Brand is ancient, or as if no one has ever recovered from what he's been through. It's also just plain nice to have a 20 and 10 guy to just rely on.

Oh, and this just in from LA... is Baron Davis hurt yet?

Countdown to Letdown

So the Wizards make the first splash in the NBA free agent season by... signing their own guy, Antawn Jamison, to a deal. As a SIxers fan, I'm supposed to care about this, because the Sixers were intersted in going after the one-time Tarheel and Warrior... and, um, yeesh. I realize that the Sixers need more scoring from their bigs, and Jamison can do that... but they do realize that he's primarly a garbage scorer and three-point shooter that, at age 32, isn't going to be getting better, right?

Antwan works hard and that's a tolerable contract as NBA contracts go, but he's also a defensive sieve and black hole. He's never been a part of any team that's gone deep into the playoffs... and maybe I'm just a big lover of young potential, but I'd much rather see Thaddeus Young get major minutes, rather than watch the known quantity of Jamison.

So, is there a free agent on the market that I'd like to see on the Sixers, seeing how they are one of the few teams with cap money to spend? Sure. If they can take the very useful James Posey away from Boston, that helps them and hurts their rival. Mikael Pietrus could be a useful part of the rotation, especially if you think you can work on the holes in his game (and he's still kind of young, I guess). Maybe Shaun Livingston is worth a gamble, depending on where his rehab is; he might also come relatively cheap. Corey Magette could finally give them a 3-point threat, and he's opted out of his deal with the Clips.

But all of that pales beyond the sheer dream that would be Elton Brand, who opted out of his deal with the Clips tonight. Get him, and you can go with Young, Brand and Dalembert up front, with Miller and Iguodala in the backcourt; it's still turnover-prone, but it can score from everywhere inside the three-point line, and it defends and runs. More than that, it lets everyone in the area know that the Sixers are actually serious about getting better and becoming more than just a low seed and first round exit.

Not that I'm, you know, getting my hopes up... and as I'm writing this, Baron Davis has announced that he's opting out of the Warriors, too. Last one out of Oaktown, please turn out the lights...