Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts

Monday, April 6, 2009

Congratu...... zzzzzz..........

Congratulations to North Carolina, who won their ninety-fifth national championship in mens basketball tonight, making the city of Detroit even sadder than usual. Which, considering the employment situation in this state, is really saying something. They were so hoping for a win tonight, so they could tip over some cars that would have to be replaced.

UNC had the most first half points (55) in finals history, and the game was so very exciting that fourteen people who didn't live in Carolina, Michigan, or have money on the game watched. Seven of them stayed awake until the end!

Oh, and just for my right-wing friends... Obama had the winner all along. Not the rest of the final four, but the winner.

Now, I have just one more thing to say to college hoop and all of the people that watch it: go away, and don't bother the rest of us for another 10.5 months. Especially when your tournament was about as exciting as watching paint dry. (I'm sure that our man in Chapel Hill, Dirty Davey, will have something to say about all of this, provided that, as a Carolina fan, he even notices when his team wins this thing.)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blogrolling Is Your #2 Choice In Modeling

Five Tool Tool is a #3 seed in the "Best Sports Blog Name" tournament over at Zoner Sports. I couldn't be more proud, really, and will continue to feel that way after we get taken down in a stunning upset, out overrated, pasty faces staring at the court in disbelief. We know the role.

I've been out of commission for the past 24+ hours, continuing to fight the good fight against a week-long illness. But on the other hand, I could have had Samuel L's day here in "Deep Blue Sea."



Now that Najeh Davenport's career is in the, um, dumper... it's time for him to try male modeling. No, I'm not kidding. And he has Some Experience!

Between the poker playing, the two daughters and the sports gambling, is there any wonder why I'm down with the Bracketer-in-Chief? Apologies for the fact that you've seen this on every other sports blog on the planet.

Destroy any Web site, including this one. Personally, I'm partial to the Led Zeppelin mode.

The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs a random Family Circus cartoon with a random quote from the philosopher.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Blogrolling: Losing My Titligion

The MoonDog sees the light of content sports blogging, rather than going for the easy poon traffic. I'd like to support him in such an endeavor, and it's nice that he's going back to the salt mines of content writing... but, um, friend? No one twisted your arm and made you chase the poon for all that time.

To be clear -- I don't much care if someone pays the rent with titty. It's not my choice, but I've worked for people who've gone that way, and my day job in advertising sometimes touches consumer categories that aren't any cleaner, as it were. We all have our own choices to make, and for the most part, it's just not worth getting all indignant about it.

But when you entitle your quasi-farewell "The Evolution Of..." um, well, ok, but you might want to (a) step outside into the cool air and let your head swell down a little, and (b) delete this thing in a few months, if the heat of lower site stats makes you reconsider your ways. But what the hell, you've gotten over a dozen sports blogs to link to this, so what the hell do I know...

Continuing in the Poon, Jason Giambi's post-baseball plans involve it. Just so long as he doesn't get in front of a camera.

You know the economy is going bad when someone dares to question the almighty power of a successful mens college basketball coach. Don't you people understand that Jim Calhoun is doing the Lord's work, and should never be questioned? PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE ECONOMY BEHIND THE CURTAIN!



And just to make the universe stop and point to two college basketball stories in the same calendar year, take a look at the work of one Craig Robinson, aka the First Brother In Law. That family is having a year, my friends.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The No Sports Conspiracy

Here's what counted as news in the Toy Department today.

> A slate of 3 NBA games, one of which ended before midnight in the East.

> 6 games involving teams in the NCAA college basketball top 20. (Notre Dame broke their seven game losing streak against 7th ranked Louisville. I hope you were sitting down for that.)

> 7 games in the NHL. You'll be shocked to learn that Detroit, who have been good since I actually followed and cared about hockey in the late '80s, are still good.

> The Washington Nationals signing the sabermetric wet dream of Adam Dunn, the Mariners getting close to signing the sad remnants of Ken Griffey, and some relentlessly tiresome A-Rod, Selig and Roger Clemens nonsense.

> Day One of the Brett Favre Comeback Watch.

In other words, Almost Nothing You Needed To Care About. This weekend will be even worse, since the NBA will have their All-Star Break.

And all of this nothing... on the day before Valentine's, which is also a Friday the 13th.

My fellow men, can it be any more clear?

Our wives, mistresses and girlfriends have cagily arranged for all of this to create maximum attention and purchases from us. (Hell, you want to lay this on the Obama Administration, I'll allow it. Women vote Democratic more than men, and it's clear that they'll do anything short of legalizing pot to jump-start this flat-lined economy right now. By the way, feel free to do that and use all of the tax revenue to pay for the entire stimulus bill, the financial bailout, and a hefty tax cut. You're welcome.)

I say that we don't stand for it. Personally, I'm going to spend Valentine's Day playing poker, after giving the Shooter Wife the traditional gift of the Jizzy Lizzy, seen above. That's two kinds of chocolate and one kind of taste. What woman could ask for more?

Stay strong, my fellow Tools. And be careful out there. It's a dangerous time for all of us.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Top 11 things that Sports Bloggers are rooting for in the Super Bowl

Oh, you think that we want a good game? That's so adorable! No, let's face it folks, once you've entered the exciting life of writing about sports, your priorities change in ways that can hardly be imagined... in that we know that once this game is over, we've got weeks of bloghole to fill without the thing that you people actually care about. (SPRING LEAGUE, NFL! THINK OF OUR CHILDREN!)

11. Post-game rioting and/or drunken video. The thrill of victory is only matched by the sloppy, sloppy tears of your enemies' defeat, folks. And I hate to break it to you, Steeler Fan, but since no one in America actually knows a Cardinals Fan, that just means that Neutral Fans are kind of hoping you go down, and that you've finally got enough Web cams to tell the world how sad you are. It's really the only thing that's keeping Ohio Football Fan's head out of the oven right now. (That, and the fact that they can't afford to pay the utility bill.)

10. Wardrobe malfunction. Let's face it, folks -- any kind of nip slip, especially if it's accompanied by a skillful censorship from the mainstream media, is just Pure Gold to us in Blogfrica. Some of us are still living off those images, especially with foreign countries cracking down on porn domains. Bring it on, mammary glands!

9. Kurt Warner or Troy Polamalu loses and renounces their faith. It's only logical, isn't it? Guys, if you're going to give all faith and credit to your Messiah in moments of triumph, all I'm asking for is equal time. If nothing else, put on the hair shirt and detail your all-too-human weakness that caused the Lord to deliver such a crushing lesson to you and your poor teammates.

8. Pregame arrest. Everyone thinks that we're rooting for the Hooker Bust, but that's just getting greedy. We'll gladly take someone going off their meds and wandering the streets like a crazy person, while everyone pretends it isn't a distraction. That works just fine.

7. Matt Leinart Drinks. Is anyone else reading the inevitable puff pieces over how the Cardinals' resident trustafarian has Grown Up So Much by picking splinters out of his ass, as, well, tiresome in the extreme? We don't have time for yet another studious NFL understudy. Matty occupies a very select role in the NFL as the biggest slacker/disappointment in the league. We can get the Good Teammate Bad Back Up QB anywhere. Chug, Matty, Chug!

6. Ref conspiracy. Nothing quite extends those good old traffic numbers as the whole "The Game Is Fixed" / "You Guys Are Whiners" debate, otherwise known as the only thing that people now think about Seahawks Fan. Let's get Tim Donaghy on this. We've got a city to trash.

5. Gambling meltdown. This one ties into the ref conspiracy wish, but if the money swings on the spread back and forth in this last week, from 7 points to 6.5, and then the game winds up hitting that 7 point bump exactly... preferably with some highly questionable ref work and/or a coaching decision... well, that would more or less take care of February for us. Keep this in mind, Mike Tomlin, especially if you're driving for the game winner late. Jeff Reed is not acceptable.

4. Obama Pop In. With the approval ratings for the new President still in that happy He's Not The Old Guy place, and his willingness to go outside the usual broadcast network suspects for his media jones... well, let's go, Mister President! Take a tour of all of the major sports blog sites. Or, um, just this one. We'll ask all of the questions that need to be asked, such as, "Why can't I gamble on this game legally?" and "No, seriously, why can't I gamble on this game legally?"

3. Blimp terror.
Every year, the difference between the people going to the game and people you don't want to die in a horrible death grows. (At least for Eagle Fan.) And if you are not feeling this, please go look at more Media Day highlights. And people wonder why the most universal political thought in our fractured national landscape is this: the media sucks.

2. Springsteen insanity. I want a 60-second monologue that goes nowhere, some kind of not funny at all banter with Clarence Clemons, and then, just when the powers that be think that it's all over, a freaky shadow phallus with the guitar. Bring it, Boss!

1. Poon, poon, poon.
From the Lingerie Bowl to the Go Daddy Spank Spank Spank ads, to the HD cheerleaders and the blog-ready groupie porn, we don't *need* no stinking wardrobe malfunction for cheap clicks. Remember, girls, it's not exploitation if you exploit yourself. Also, that we so respect your personal choices, especially when you get us sweet, sweet traffic. Poon on!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Blogrolling: Paying the rent with skunky beer

The Hater Nation roasts Tony Dungy. It's crude, rude, and necessary on many levels.

The Moondog weighs in on how Congress shouldn't get involved in a college football playoff in a reasonable, though chalk, assessment of the situation is this... this is the *perfect* situation for Congressional intervention.

It's something with bipartisan support, since no one in their right mind wants to defend this abominable system. Even the statheads hate the BCS, because it promotes bad sportsmanship and takes so much control of the situation away from the individual teams. (Honestly, when you schedule a well-regarded opponent and beat them so badly that they mail in the rest of the year and wind up being seen as much worse than they were supposed to be... how is that your fault?) Colleges, of course, receive some aid, in the form of students getting Pell grants and local institutions getting help and/or clearance for construction and expansion efforts. So there's influence there, too. And since the athletics department is such a cesspool of corruption as it works as a de facto minor league / expansion system for all of the parts of the country that don't get enough major-league action to satisfy the market, it's rife with vulnerability for oversight.

Frankly, I'm a little amazed that the system hasn't been taken down before.

So go, Congress Critters, and afflict these comfortable parasites. Because government oversight is, really, akin to having a labor union show up in your industry. Independent of the merits or vices of the individual union or action... if you have one, you probably did something to deserve it.

So, Cub Fan, the most powerful man in the Free World prefers your rival, to the point where he's grilling the troops. Can you use this to crank up more self-pity?

Pay that rent, John "Joey Knish" Turturro. You're doing the Lord's work.

Cardinal Fan goes down for the McNabb lawn burning. Gents were 28 and 37, and might not have even been drunk. This will do wonders for Arizona Person's PR, especially seeing how the state still doesn't recognize the Martin Luther King holiday. Oh, and the fact that burning a guy's lawn with gas is a *misdemeanor* will, I'm sure, make sure that no one ever does this again.



And finally, one of my favorite songs ever. First time I've seen it as a solo acoustic piece, rather than with the full Golden Palominos production. And here's a fun fact... the French word for orgasm loosely translates to "the little death", or, perhaps, suicide. (Yes, I am goading certain members of the audience. Listen to the song anyway; Carson's fantastic.)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Begin Again

Hope is, of course, the triumph of optimism over experience, and spare me a moment from the usual business of the blog to hope that things will get better from the transition of executive power in Washington today.

There will be time, years of it I suspect, for everyone to go back to rooting for their political team as if what's going on there has no real impact on our lives, or the lives of our present and future kids. Just as we will have far too much time to express our disappointment in what happens there. I was on the winning side last time, and even I'm not naive enough to think that will change.

But for this brief time ahead of us, when over two-thirds of the country has come together to offer our best wishes to the new suits, let's just pretend that things are actually different now. Is that really so hard, to take a holiday from our usual, fairly crappy way of being?

Because, kids... once you get to A Certain Age and start to realize that you (a) aren't going to be able to do what you are currently doing forever, and (b) aren't terribly likely to achieve everything in life that you might have dreamed of from doing it, a honeymoon from being right about how awful it all is... really doesn't sound all that bad.

We now return you to your usual programming, and await your condescending comments and/or passive-aggressive apathy. Damn, there goes the mood already.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Politics Is Not Sport


Last night, I took the night off from staring daggers at my fantasy football draft prep and the non-hitting Yankees on my fantasy baseball team to watch Barack Obama take the Democratic nomination. (This is the big cue for those of you who don't share my politics to either dig in and suffer or scroll down. You've been warned.)

Over 70,000 people braved what must have been the security detail from hell (according to the reports I've read, waits of five hours were common) to watch a black man get closer to the Presidency than any black man has ever been.

Even if you are a Republican, you've got to be OK with that, at least out loud. And then he spoke for 40+ minutes, in a speech that he more or less wrote himself (hey, a literate President! Me likee!), and gave me about everything I could ask for.

Today, in response, the Republicans announced that their nominee to be vice-president would also make history, in that they chose a woman for the first time in their history. The partisan in me wants to note that she's a creationist with 18 months of experience being a governor (of Alaska), and that it smells a little desperate to me, given that no one imagines she would have gotten the job if Hillary Clinton were the Democratic nominee...

But I'll leave all that aside and focus on the positive. Sarah Palin is the kind of pro-life person that I respect... in that when the money was on the table, she didn't have her fetus at 44 years old tested or aborted, and consequently will be raising a child with Down's syndrome. She's also an ex-athlete and beauty pageant contestant who has made her reputation by fighting against corruption in her own party. Quite a resume, really.

What does get my goat, in watching the coverage of these things, is the wild glee that the cable channels have over this whole thing. We might cover politics like they were sports in this country, but they aren't. If your team beats mine, it has no real consequences to my life; we don't go fight a war over it or change the tax codes.

So, um, no... a close election and wild poll swings and smackdown debate moments and crafty negative ads are not panaceas and just good clean fun. No matter how much they may make you feel like they are.

They are sideshow distractions, carnival nonsense, designed to distract you and me from the things that matter when it comes to making a decision.

In a better world, you wouldn't need to speak as well as Barack Obama to be a Presidential nominee. You wouldn't need to be as ready with a quip and press-friendly as John McCain, either.

But that's not the world we live in, or the media we have.

Which doesn't mean that it's got to be that way, or for you.

So in the months to come, when the inevitable nonsense comes up about who is running the better campaign or what it all means when there is some gaffe, etc., etc...

Well, vote for a better reason. Please.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Apocalypse Not

I'm going to cross a small line here and bring in a few personal moments in this one, which will also get Mildly Political (but not wholly whiffing from sports). Y'all have been warned; feel free to skip and/or print it out and take it with you to the can.

In the early parts of the 1800s in the United States, a doomsday cult developed in the MidAtlantic and New England states that eventually became so popular, it reached near mainstream acceptance. The Millerites, as they were called, studied the book of Daniel, always a good source for this kind of thing, to do the math, then determined that the end of the world was coming up fast. So fast, in fact, that they were able to predict it to the day. (Odd, that it's never a long time from now.)

Tens of thousands grouped on what the faith's elders called "Ascension Rock" to greet the incoming cherubim, only to go home shortly after dawn when nothing happened. (Yes, to be in the crowd must have been like being an Eagles fan during one of the NFC championship game home losses. I hate my brain.)

Amazingly, the church was able to regroup all of its followers and grow with the story that they had simply made a counting error, and that the Apocalypse was definitely coming this time, like the Great Pumpkin, just one year later. In the weeks coming up to the big event, farms lay fallow, cows were not milked, people stopped bathing or eating or doing anything other than waiting. I'm thinking the crowd reaction to the second straight whiff was less than happy.

After the second straight no-show, the faith disbanded, and finding anyone who wanted to admit to their Millerite faith was like finding a Red Sox fan who still thinks they should have kept Nomah, Pedro and Manny. More tellingly since then, no doomsday religion has made the tactical error of calling their shot on the Apocalypse. It's always close (how's next Tuesday for you), but never on the calendar. Heck, maybe it already happened via a Rapture of the nice folks. I work in marketing and advertising, and haven't really missed anyone, but that's no proof.

A few weeks ago at my monthly poker game (seats available, email me), someone brought up the Left Behind series of books, and how he started seeing spooky parallels to current events. The LB series, in case you are unaware, is a series of novels that start from Revelations-style predictions of future miseries, then shows how they might come to pass in a more modern skew. It's wildly popular in its niche market, and as a matter of record, I've actually written ads for it, because when work asks me to make them money, that's what I do. Anyway.

The group more or less moved away from it pretty quickly, but seeing how it was the first time the books were ever discussed near me without a sense of irony or commercialism, it didn't go very far. People read what they want to read.

Earlier this week, in an IM conversation with a friend about politics, I learned that his mother thinks that Barack Obama is the Antichrist. Hmm, well, wow, I thought, and tried to commiserate with how difficult it must be to have a parent who is working with that kind of delusion. Seriously, if Obama's the Antichrist, I'd have expected Hilary and Bill Clinton to have exploded into flame in, like, February. Give the A-C some credit here.

The Shooter Mom, like most women of her generation, strongly preferred Hilary but will vote for Obama. She also has any number of close relatives of her age group who like to forward her all of those e-mails you've been hearing about, where Obama is perceived as, well, the Antichrist.

Now, I don't want to get into the particulars of Obama-McCain here; I'm pretty sure that most regular readers of the blog know where I am on that. What I'm looking to touch on more is this need that many of us have for it to be The End of Days.

Whether it's (I'm going to make regular reader CMJDad very happy here, not that he's still reading) global warming, the specter of an Obama, Clinton, Bush or McCain Presidency, the Eagles failing to sign a true #1 WR, gasoline and grocery and local taxes going up while the value of your home goes down... there's always going to be people losing their stones over it and thinking Life Will Never Be The Same. I'm pretty sure you get this at work, too, especially in a down economy. Coping with the uncertainties of an uncaring world is damned deadly difficult, and whether your coping mechanisms are vice or virtue doesn't really change that.

But what's really going on, at the heart of Apocalyptic thinking, is fairly profound selfishness and self-centeredness.

We all know that we're going to move on from this consciousness at some point, and that the amount of time we have left is more or less uncertain. We can influence this with good choices and better luck, but it's mostly just that -- an influence, not a real control. What happens next is entirely subject to your beliefs, but Life Will Go On Without You...

Unless, of course, all life ends with you. Which is the sad little comfort of Apocalypse, isn't it? No loneliness.

It is easy for me (and in all likelihood, given the site's demographics, you) to go down this thought path. By the numbers, many of us probably haven't used more than a third to half of our time. Maybe I'll feel differently when I'm looking more realistically at 80 to 90% gone, and strange-sounding people and dire predictions coming at me from every source of "news." I'd really like to hope not.

The Apocalypse is upon us, folks, because it's always been upon us. It's there, in the back of our minds, all of the time. It's that part of you that throws a rod over someone cutting you off in traffic, or making you wait at the supermarket. It's the knowledge that without us, work would suffer, our loved ones would fall apart, and the won-loss records of sports team and political candidates has something (anything?) to do with our hopes and dreams.

They don't. They won't. For the most part, we're just not that important. Get over yourselves.

And be happy anyway. It's not the end of the world.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Shame

Where there is no shame, there is no honor. - African proverb
This will, hopefully, be the last time I get political for a while here. The site's traffic can barely stand it. Y'all have been warned.

Last night, I finally got my hands on this week's New Yorker with Barack and Michelle Obama dressed in their right-wing Lie Show regalia. It's not really going to make me cancel my subscription (so long as they keep from hiring the inexplicably employed Gregg Easterbrook), but I'd like to address some of the kerfluffle that has ensued from it.

The cover has entered into a larger media narrative, namely that people are having a hard time making fun of this candidate. I'm not sure you were aware of this, but it seems that the job of the President is now to be the source of inexhaustible comedy fuel. If the Commander-in-Chief doesn't provide us with exceptional laughs (either through relentless character flaws, an intelligence gap that you could drive a Hummer through, possible senility, etc.), this makes he or she Unlikable.

(An aside -- I'm not sure where John McCain Is Old is exactly breaking great comedy ground. But far be it for me to be a hack throwing stones...)

One wonders, really, how much of this has been true of other post-catastrophic leaders in world political history. Were the Germans, Italians and Japanese in the late '40s annoyed with their governments for not being as easy to mock as their predecessors? Do the Cambodians sit back and reminisce about the chuckles they had with that wacky Pol Pot? Can we find some old-school Russians to talk about how funny the Stalin purges were?

I'm guessing... no.

Ah, but there I go again (Reagan voice off), living life outside of a media bubble that refuses to admit the following truths in print and in public.

To wit:

1) The mocked left-wing celebrity opposition to the war in Iraq was not only the correct public policy, but now the overwhelming majority viewpoint in America.

It was never a fringe view, despite the best efforts of the media to portray it as such; even in the most frenzied War Is Fun And Easy days, two out of five Americans didn't support this. It's now closer to 4 out of 5, which makes it right up there with dentists who prefer that their patients chew sugarless gum. And can someone, for the love of God, revoke the license of the fifth dentist? He's a sadist.

2) The only reason that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, and the only Democrat who is in line to win a majority of votes in a Presidential election in 32 years, is because Hillary Clinton voted the wrong way on Iraq.

Which makes her, as far as I can tell, the first person in America to lose a job over this terrible decision. Of course, since she didn't have the job in the first place, you can probably argue the semantics.

3) The standard of living among average Americans -- you know, the folks for whom the actions of the President are more than a junior high school level game of Jocks, Nerds and Cool Kids -- has gone down dramatically under the Bush Administration. Mostly for the reason that they are paying two to three times more then they used to on transportation and heat, as a direct result of... the war in Iraq.

So no, it's not the case where people don't care about the war. They care about it because, despite no real amount of media linkage, they have gotten the wacky idea -- substantially less wacky that Iraq had no relation to 9/11 -- that one of the reasons why they're getting killed at the pump is because we destabilized the region that produces oil. They care about it because they can, actually, understand what happens to an economy that spends more than it takes in, because that describes their situation at home, too. Which is what we do every damn day of the year, as a government, and we all make up (or, at the very least, fund) that.

And that's why Obama is competitive in places like Montana, North Dakota, Virginia, Alaska, Idaho, Indiana -- i.e., places where a Democratic presidential contender hasn't won in so long, they haven't even tried. Despite the idea that Scary Screaming Black Men and Secret Muslims are coming to exchange Terrorist Fist Pumps after they take away your gun and set fire to the flag. (To all of my older relatives and their e-mail chains... now, really. How do they find the time to do all of that? You've got to give it up for their fiendish work ethic.)

But let's get back to the Shame.

Some of the people I work with like to tell me about the latest South Park episodes. It's something that appeals to them, and truth be told, it used to work for me, too. Good writing is good writing, and you put up with a lot for it. (Witness your tolerance of posts like this one.)

Me, I can't watch it anymore, because of what it represents -- which is to say, art without a conscience. Humor without shame. An antidote to honor. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Evil.

You see, Mssrs. Stone and Parker led the anti-war backlash with their noxious puppet movie, and the ethos that you are leaving some humor money on the table when you don't attack both sides. Besides, those uncool kids that opposed the war made for such better and easier targets. I mean, Janeane Garofalo is shrill and all, and well past the point (if she ever was there) of fuel for self-play. So have at it, gentlemen! Chant "No Blood For Oil" some more. That's good and funny! It might even be more high-larious at a soldier's funeral. Go nuts.

There's only one problem with this, and with the New Yorker "satire" cover... and that is this. Laughing at the victims of serious crime doesn't feel very good. It nags at the root of a healthy conscience.

Do it enough, and it eats away at any human instinct towards thinking that any single person among us -- even, say, brilliant scientific minds who must be concocting global warming tales for their great god Socialism, political leaders who actually see their occupation for more than Grand Theft Government, public health professionals who are genuinely motivated by a desire to ease human suffering, rather than ensure moral-free copulation and abortions for all, etc., etc. -- are not, at their core, base and craven.

It mocks hope, and tells us that anyone who speaks of such a mockable thing is humorless or naive at best, and a secret terrorist and more at worst. It demeans the listener and the teller. It causes real damage to the human spirit.

And if you don't believe me, please go find someone at a house fire, funeral home, or hospital emergency room, and give them a good Nelson Muntz-style "Ha Ha." See how that works out for you.

So in conclusion... no, the cover is not funny, ironic, or in any way worthwhile. Anyone that tells you that it is starts and ends at Wrong. It's also not important that the President should be easily mocked, someone you can imagine having a beer with, or Just Like You at your most petty and limited.

In fact, it's more than OK to want the person with an incredibly more difficult and demanding job than yours to be, well, better and smarter than you. In fact, we should probably demand it.

And if that makes for a world in which people who make us laugh for a living have to, you know, work a little harder to get it done, and maybe push the utterly delusional media into finding these better targets? That's no tragedy. Start with the oil company executives. Move on to the CEOs of the Fortune 500. Spend all day on actors and musicians and writers and performers. I can figure this out, and I'm just a guy with a blogging hobby.

In short, adapt. The same way that, well, the rest of the country has. Preferably without puling over how those pukey Obama kids are ruining your whole fun by realizing that who the President is does matter, and that when political -- and dare I dream it, media -- figures are wrong, they should lose their jobs.

Preferably, with speed. Even more preferably, with lasting historical scorn and whenever appropriate, prison time.

Where, one presumes, some small moment of Shame might happen. There I go, Hoping Again...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008