Not Sports: No Thoughts, No Prayers

Not sports; you've been warned. Written between massacres, because in America, there's always going to be another one. Dozens every day, actually.

> We are not, as a nation, better than this, so please stop saying we are. We have not been better than this for a long time, if ever. We were always OK with children who had the wrong skin color being terrified. We were always OK with children who did not have enough to eat going hungry. We were always OK with children whose parents were poor going to worse schools, living in more pollution, and having worse health. 

We have never, as a collective nation, all taken a vaccination or worn a mark or any number of things, really, for the team. We have always been more interested in what is right for us -- paying less on our taxes, getting someone else to serve in the military, getting to keep our toys, protecting the rights that matter to us as individuals, having the car or the boat or the plane that made us feel awesome, regardless of the needs of others or the rapidly heating planet. 

People who honor the social contract are suckers, and people who nag you to honor the social contract are scolds at best and grifters at worst who won't do it themselves. We're Americans. The country that does what we want, when we want, to whomever is unwilling or unable to stop us. Maniacs and cucks. No one is better than us, and we know what we are, so everyone's terrible. Go buy a gun.

> At the latest massacre, there were people at the school with guns. It didn't save the victims. It rarely, if ever, does. But we are, as a nation, people who like to think movies are real and villains lose and good people with guns kill bad people with guns all the time. Simple solutions. None of this is true, and more people die. Math and reality is a stubborn thing. 

> We should, as a matter of fact, go numb to this. Staying present to it makes us very, very cranky and might upset the maniacs and maniacs-to-be among us. If you are having a hard time recognizing the maniacs, don't worry, they make it easy for you. They'll show you their guns. 

> Do not make the people with guns mad. Do not go near people with guns. They have guns.

> Yes, our elected officials are base, venal and corrupt; they are of us. If elected, we would make the same choices, rather than lose the gig, the power, the money. Well, OK, not all of us. I'm a cuck who follows the social contract. So  I would never get the job, and wouldn't have it for very long.

> If you, personally, are of means and want to make America safer from the next gun spree, go buy a handgun or assault rifle off someone who already owns it. Purchase it in front of them, legally. Pay cash, face to face. Then, destroy the gun immediately, in front of them. I recommend a bucket and strong acid. Feel free to film it and see if it can go viral on social media.

Do this over and over and over again. Publicize the name and address of the person who sold you the gun in the first place. That way, the rest of the community can steer clear of them, as they are people who need to own the means to kill human beings easily. Maybe they will eventually take the hint and go move to the kind of place where people who care more about guns than people can all go live, for some ever-shrinking amount of time, together. It may be a bigger country than the country of people who don't want to live near people who are a bad hour away from murder. Let's find out.

> You are not, of course, going to do this. I am not going to do it either. I don't have the means or the courage -- as I am a poor cuck -- and would never confront someone who owns a gun. We have to presume they have the means and morality that would let them kill me, and I would like my death to not involve a gun. (Heroic amounts of hallucinogenic drugs mixed with medication that eliminates pain seems like much more fun.) I'm such a cuck.

> We should presume that if prayer does have an impact, that more or us are praying for the violent death of others than those that are not, or that the deity hearing such prayers has a very different agenda than what is generally presumed. So I am not offering thoughts and prayers for the victims and the families of the victims. Thought never had a place in this conversation, and prayers have a very long track record of being worse than useless.

> A short time after I finish this little bolt of sunshine, I will climb into my car and drive strangers around for money. Some of them may be secretly armed. I will also drive past any number of people who are carrying guns. (Cops, generally.) 

They could, if they so choose to, try to kill me. 

It is their country. It has been for a very long time. They aren't giving it up. They have guns. They want it more than me. I don't carry a gun.

So stay the hell away from them, as often as you can. Don't annoy them. Know that we live in the best of all possible countries.

Except for, you know, all the ones that don't have so many guns.

Why Coaching Matters

This is a screen shot of when Andrew Wiggins rose up and threw the Dallas Mavericks' playoff and season hopes into a wood chipper, in tonight's Game 3.

Yes, yes, dunks are worth two points and psychological analysis is meaningless, and Doncic came back and nailed a 3 right after this, and the Mavs got to within 5 before the Dubs finally ended things. None of that matters; this will be the only moment from this game that anyone ever remembers.

It was also called a foul in the moment, which was a crime against art and nature and credit to Doncic for the acting attempt. It was reversed after Warriors coach Steve Kerr refused to let insanity rule the day, while NBA Commissioner Adam Silver tried to restrain himself from removing the shirt from the ref who bought the original flop and dismissing him from the world of professional basketball.

It was part of an insanely good and useful performance by Wiggins, who had 27 and 11 while playing sound defense and generally, well, having moments like this one... and it's part and parcel of why the Warriors are going to be the next champions of the NBA.

Not because Andrew Wiggins is great. But because he really, really, wasn't before he got here.

To the casual fan, Wiggins was available because Minnesota is Minnesota; a dysfunctional organization that makes bad trades (Wiggins came with the pick that became Jonathan Kuminga for D'Angelo Russell and a bag of smelly gym socks, which is to say, a large bag of smelly gym socks). Hyped because he was the #1 pick and overvalued by casual fans for counting stats, he was an active detriment to the Wolves, who suffered with bad and plentiful shooting, a lack of interest in defense, a plethora of turnovers and a career that was going nowhere fast. His Wolves' teams were better when he was off the floor, and when you are supposed to be a star and that happens, you are a fraud. 

The NBA finds and eliminates frauds, ruthlessly. Wiggins at 6'-7" with no natural position and no growth in his skills was about 2-3 years away from bench and foreign work, honestly.

Enter Steve Kerr and the Warriors coaching staff. With work from the player (not all at once -- the org was the perfect mix of patient and impatient with him), they turned Wiggins into their best defensive player not named Draymond Green. With the return of world-class marksmen that meant he no longer had to force shots, Wiggins became efficient in the offensive game. With world-famous players who move the ball and play the game the right way, he doesn't have to be the alpha. Even though -- shh -- they may be turning him into one anyway.  He's still just 26 years old, with his confidence growing, in an organization that's going to get him a ring in a few weeks.

Credit to Wiggins, but also to the Association's best coaching staff. They just don't miss, or give up. And if they stay healthy and cultivate the next generation (Kuminga, Wiggins, James Wiseman, Jordan Poole...), there's really no reason why the winning will stop anytime soon.

Oh, and also this. Ye gads, man. 

Sixers - Heat Game Six: Bye

 > After four games of this series, the Sixers were tied. They had Joel Embiid seemingly getting better, had just won a tough game where James Harden played his best game in the laundry, and had more than a reasonable hope of advancing.

> Then they just... stopped playing basketball. With any kind of fire, interest, passion, ingenuity, anything. And yes, this cheapens the win for Miami, who are well coached and reasonably athletic and don't beat themselves, but, um, still. They just won two games against a team that showed no interest in playing any more basketball this year.

> There will be all kinds of theories about this. How Embiid's injuries were just too much to overcome. How Harden is nursing an injury and has conditioning issues that he can't mask anymore at age 32. That Tobi Harris always fails when it matters, that a slow and dough bench gets you killed, that losing glue guy Danny Green is always deadly, and so on, and so on. None of it really matters. 

> What is true, what has always been true with this organization since maybe Larry Freaking Brown, is that they've got the wrong coach. Rivers does some things well; he doesn't panic when things go the other way, he has good plays out of timeouts pretty often, he can call for a zone with a reasonable feel for the game. But he can't develop young players, can't get away from bench guys that are totally spent, and can't convince his players that he's worth selling out for. That ended with the Celtics, and hasn't ever come back.

> How much of this is Rivers, and how much of it is the talent on the Sixers, is hard to determine. If you want to tell the story that Embiid doesn't show up in the playoffs, I can't really argue with you. He's got reasons, but he's also 28. Tick, tick, tick.

> This game was closer than it had any right to be, because Miami got bored. During a closeout game on the road. Yeah, that happened.

> Embiid was something like 7 for 40 tonight, and PJ Tucker has 20 offensive rebounds that were about as hard to get as taking candy from a baby. A sleeping baby. I'd check the actual numbers, but why make an effort? The guys getting paid to play basketball tonight did not.

> Small but telling moment in this game: with the Sixers riding a 7-0 run in the third quarter courtesy of Shake Milton giving a damn, Jimmy Butler was called for a foul while Milton was shooting a three. Rather than save his challenge for later, Heat coach Eric Spoelstra went for it and got the call, effectively ending the momentum. Part of why Spolestra is, well, a much better coach than Rivers. Along with the fact that his team played hard in Games Five and Six.

> In the first 75 seconds of the fourth quarter, three terrible turnovers, an inexcusably bad officiating call, and a 6-0 Miami run that was absolutely gift-wrapped. The nature of Sixers basketball during most of the last 20 years is that when their last game is played, you are well and truly OK with not watching them play anymore. This team? A LOT.

> I'm sure that Miami had a possession tonight when Embiid left the rim and Miami didn't get a layup. I just don't remember it.

> Here's how bad this team quit: Philly Fan didn't even really boo them. They just left. Why make an effort when the athletes won't?

> Special credit to the refs for not bailing this team out with any kind of call tonight. They didn't deserve it. If you had told me that a team with Harden and Embiid couldn't get to the line during a closeout game at home, nope, not how the NBA usually works. You've never seen a team quit more. Honestly.

> I guess if you want to credit to anyone in blue tonight, Shake Milton tried, and Maxey leaves the season with integrity. Everyone else can just live with the stink of this for the rest of their career. It's the kind of game that makes me want to not watch the franchise anymore, but I'm stupid. See you in October.

> As for the Heat, um, they are going to lose the next series against a team that doesn't quit, doesn't have a coach that doesn't want his job, etc. Good luck to Jimmy Butler, though.

Sixers - Heat Game Five: What The Hell Was That

 > The national media seems to want to make this all about Joel Embiid pouting his way through a low energy road game because he's not going to be the MVP, and the omniscience this shows is kind of amazing. If true, it also shows that the team could not give a rat's ass for its coach, who could not sense this kind of thing coming from a mile away, and, I don't know, benched him and all of the starters or done anything other than what he did, which was watch his team get boat-raced in a decisive game. This team is going to get two days of direct abuse from the faithful and the media, and they deserve all of it.

> It seems a lot more likely that a guy with a busted face, who got his face smashed again in the second quarter, who has a bum thumb and no teammates that seemed able to get him the ball against press coverage, just checked out early. But not as early as his teammates.

> If I was Doc Rivers, I would have pulled all of the starters early. Like, in the first quarter. If you're going to lose, you might as well get a rest day out of it, and make a point that you can show someone up on your way out of town.

> I have no idea why Matisse Thybulle is in the NBA anymore. He does nothing to warrant wearing a uniform, let alone getting playing time.

> There was no point in this game where the road team looked they wanted to be there. So, well, analyzing it and giving more effort than the guys getting paid seems, well, dumb. And when this team doesn't want to play... they really don't make it a secret.

> For Miami, Jimmy Butler and Bam Adebayo and, shh, they are a lot better when Kyle Lowry isn't on the floor. 

> So much for the idea that James Harden was his old self. Not tonight, not even a little.

> Worst game I can remember Tyrese Maxey playing. And that includes his rookie year, when he couldn't shoot.

> When your best player is Paul Reed, you aren't winning basketball games. Unless you are in the G League. But credit to the only guy in the laundry who seems to mind losing.

> I posted this with the team down 29 in the fourth, because, well, why the hell not. Moving on.

Next game is Thursday in Philadelphia, and if this is the level of effort they'll show on the road, feel free to end the season early, guys. Pack Rivers' bag for him.

Sixers - Heat Game Four: James Goddamned Harden

 > With the game and series in the balance and the Sixers unable to get the ball to Joel Embiid, James Harden just started raining down 3s. Shots that haven't been made while he was in the laundry for the most part. Shots after he played his worst quarter of the playoffs in the first. With real fire and passion. It was bad offense and what happens in the fourth quarter in playoffs and scary and glorious, and he probably made himself an unreal amount of money from it. For everyone who has been ready to throw dirt on this guy, you can all go piss off now. A lot.

> Every playoff game, I dislike the opponent a little more. Kyle Lowry is an absolute fraud in every sense of the word, just a man who has no NBA skill left outside of grifting. Trent Tucker's very existence is a foul. I'm glad they got Markieff Morris off the bench, just so Embiid could block him down into the Earth's core. Max Strus looks like every punchable wrestling heel, and his eyebrow game is straight out of a Republic serial. Ye gads, no wonder Miami only has two fans.

> Fine Danny Green night tonight, with a signature deep 3 in transition where he, of course, missed the free throw after. He's a special collection of insanity.

> I thought Doc Rivers coached a reasonable game tonight, with the sole exception of going back to Embiid too soon in the fourth. The Sixers grew the lead with the big man on the bench, and the offensive sets did not get better with him back on the floor so soon. But then Harden decided, um, screw it, I got this.

> One of the best Tyrese Maxey moments ever tonight in this one, the bullet pass from near half-court late in the clock to get a Tobias Harris dunk. Remember, he's 21 years old. Good Lord.

> For Miami, a Jimmy Butler game for the ages, aided and abetted by Embiid buying pump fakes like they were bitcoin. I get that he's good and a friend, Joel, but let's push him out to the line and make him try that ugly 3 some more, please.

> Another day, another night with a howling miss from the refs. Harris was lucky to escape serious injury from a Bam Adebayo arm to the throat, and nope, not even noticed. Hell of a game you were missing here, gentlemen.

> As for the other Heatles... Lowry had some moments I guess, and Adebayo seems to have lost his stark terror of Embiid. Herro hasn't shown up on the road, and the problem with being a deep team with a lot of competent role players is that, well, stars win playoffs.

> Nice of George Niang to be of some utility tonight, and Paul Reed was his usual mix of positivity, but if you can remember a playoff team getting less from its bench, well... I can't. This will eventually be the Sixers' undoing, but for now, every win is a deodorant.

It's a best of 3 now, and Miami has home court with some strong regression to the mean coming for the last two games of 3-point shooting (14 for 65). But every day past the concussion is a better day for Embiid, and Harden just had his best game in months. I have no idea what happens next.

Sixers - Heat Game Three - Masked and Gutty

 > Joel Embiid wearing a mask and nursing a thumb is still one of the best defensive bigs on the planet, and a major reason why the Heat and Bam Adebayo were cracking backboards all night. If he keep recovering, and 18/11 is a mighty fine floor, this is a series. If he goes out again, it's not. Pretty simple, really. And his defensive energy late, in a game where he probably played too many minutes, was encouraging. 

> This game will be remembered for the fourth quarter of Maxey Time, and if the kid ever put together entire game stretches, he'd be the best guard in the league. Just electric in the open court and adorable everywhere. You can get a little frustrating waiting for him to go off, but he pretty much does every game.

> Another good first half from James Harden, followed by another disappearing act in the second, but when Maxey is going off, yes, James, disappear. He's been getting into pretty regular foul trouble, just another thing that happens when you get older and the refs don't give you nearly as many breaks. I'm hoping the man is managing his conditions and doing what he can to fill the tank, but if ever a man needed to go full plant-based and humorless, it might be James. Which is just a shame, because he's so weird and original in every other way, but it's a very hard game played by athletic maniacs.

> I know this is just what happens in playoff basketball, but how many dirtbags play for the Heat? Between Trent Tucker, who in no way resembled a basketball player, and Kyle Lowry, they made ESPN serenade rockhead plays and dirty bullspit all over the floor, and the pace of this game was interminable. Seriously, eff these guys. If this is what winning playoff basketball is about, we need to officiate this game differently.

> Danny Green remains an absurd collection of positive and negative. Tonight he was good from the arc and insane in lots of other places. You can manage him when he's the former, but he's still the weirdest wing ever, honestly.

> First time in seemingly months where Matisse Thybulle had good moments, but the Heat still rode Jimmy Butler and Tyler Herro for vast stretches. If they can get him back to playable it's a help, because it's not as if this team is deep.

> You should not be able to use a borderline straight arm. After six games of watching Pascal Siakam do this nonsense, honestly, enough -- and the fact that the refs got to blow the call twice after a challenge was special.

> For the Heat, just a rock fight of a game, with a near season-low. Some of that is Embiid and some of that is hard effort by the other Sixers, but they still missed a lot of makable shots tonight. They probably aren't thrilled right now, but they also might not be too worried.

> Miami showed one of their weaknesses tonight -- too many soldiers, not enough generals. In a road game where they could have put the hammer down, only Butler and Herro played well, with Adebayo in particular coming up small against opposition. It's nice to have a bunch of guys who can make threes when the luck is running, but when the air gets tight? Not so much. The Sixers' 4th best player, Tobias Harris, was totally fine tonight. The Heat's 4th best player was... I have no idea.

Next game is Sunday night, where the Sixers try to tie the series and put the fear of God into both Heat fans. I think they'll probably spit the bit because they have been a terrible home team much of the year, but it's not hard to imagine Better Joel in two more days after a concussion. See you there then.

Sixers - Heat Game Two: They Made Tyrese Bleed

 > Well... just sad, really.

> The Sixers hung around for most of the night but never got over the hump, never made their runs seem truly threatening, and went meekly into the night as soon as Miami decided to turn up the pressure in the fourth. This was a game between two playoff teams with limited ceilings, and the Heat just are closer to theirs. Especially when the Sixers are without the actual MVP.

> Best game ever for DeAndre Jordan in a Sixers uniform, in that he resembled a basketball player and the game didn't become a runaway when he was in it. Feel free to retire now and go out on top, DJ.

> Just an utter joy, Tyrese Maxey is. He's going to be the best player on the team in less than five years. If he's one of the best players in the league, the Sixers will have a chance to matter post-Embiid. But when he got a cut with 10 minutes left and his flurry stopped, so did the team.

> Another solid and decisive night for Tobias Harris where, well, he didn't rebound enough to make the other positives matter. It's nice to have a big who doesn't bite on every fake or watch the guy blow by him, and when he's making 3s, I almost like him despite his contract. If he's your fourth best player, you have a chance. He'll put up a lot of empty calorie numbers for some other team soon.

> The national media wants to tell the story that this is all James Harden's fault, because James Harden looks weird and has gotten himself off two bad franchises (and maybe onto a third?) in the Stars are GMs phase of the NBA. It's nice when one team loses and the other team doesn't win. 

This ignores the fact that Harden's not the guy missing corner 3 after corner 3, that he's not the guy tasked with, and totally failing to, stop Tyler Herro (that's Matisse Thybulle, who pretty much stopped being an NBA player once the world learned he was unvaccinated, because the unvaccinated are just total losers in life and especially in sports)... but, well, fine. Harden needs to lose weight, get a full training camp, become a ascetic and probably also shave, at which point White America will say he finally gets it. Dude is a 33 year old point guard; that usually does not work, folks. Even if he stays home every night while reading his Bible. And by the way, they got him for a max contract player who is increasingly looking like he'll never play pro basketball ever again.

> First game I've ever seen Paul Reed not get in foul trouble. He made a handful of wildly helpful plays, but needs to finish more strongly at the rim, not bite on every pump fake, and go back to 8-10 minutes a game. As soon as possible.

> In the time it took you to read this, Danny Green missed a three. So did George Niang. (Solid moment chirping when you made your only shot in two games, George. FFS.) When your best bench players are Reed and Furkan Freaking Korkmaz, you aren't winning an NBA game. You might not be winning a game in leagues on other continents.

> Does Doc Rivers want to be here? Well, for the second straight game, he played pretty much everyone, called a lot of zone and timeouts, and seemed actually offended by bad officiating. So, maybe. Let's wait and see if he snarls at the media some more before we get all kumbaya about this. At least he can't lose a 3-1 lead in this series.

> Will Philly make this a series by holding home court in Game 3? I'd love to and it's possible -- Miami is really not that good, folks -- but I'm not seeing it. This team has been terrible in big sports at home all year, Embiid reportedly can only now take his phone on bright mode, and the thing that they do worst on defense (close out on 3-point shooters) is the thing that Miami takes the most advantage of. 

See you there then, when Joel tries to play winning ball while wearing a face mask, sunglasses, thumb guard and a week of court rust. No problem.

Sixers - Heat Game One: Fun Then Really Not

> To start the game, Doc Rivers decided that the corpse of Deandre Jordan, who has not been good at any point in his time in this laundry and who played just a few seconds in the last series, needed to start. Miami took a big early lead and every Sixer fan remembered why they hate Doc Rivers.

> But after some of the better minutes of Paul Reed's short career, as well as some downright manly work by Tobias Harris, the Sixers actually led at the half by one. They also should have led by more, but two terrible calls took three free throws away from James Harden, and gave three free throws to Tyler Herro.

> After three quarters of a road game where they couldn't rebound or make a three pointer while missing their best player, the Sixers were down 8. The fact that this game was close for as long as it was tells you Miami's ceiling isn't past the next round.

> And in the fourth, the game went to Sweet Georgia Brown mode, as the Sixers hoisted up no-chance 3-pointers and gave up every second-chance bucket that Miami could hope for. 

> Full marks for Harris, who still doesn't rebound or get enough loose balls, but does everything else really, really well. Why Doc Rivers couldn't stick with the smallball 5 lineup with him that worked in the first half, we'll never know; it's not like the Philly bigs were rebounding or defending worth a damn.

> If you were hoping for an old-time Harden game in this one, um, nope. He just doesn't have it in him at this point in his career, at least not without an actual big threat to pass to, and no, the dunk or two a game that Jordan might manage does not count.

> George Niang was the worst Sixer on the floor on a night where Jordan and Paul Milsap played minutes that mattered. That's hard to do.

> Paul Reed is totes adorable, but he can't stay on the floor because he tries for everything and gets whistled for looking weird. Bless his heart, he is an actual basketball player and if Rivers had given him 800 minutes this year this might be better by now, but nope, we had to see what we had in Jordan and Milsap. FFS.

> An actual Charles Bassey sighting late! Next game, make him the back up to Reed and play five guys with a pulse, rather than Nobody Mind The Zombie Minutes (aka, Jordan and Milsap). And if Rivers had put Bassey in at the same time he entered this game in Toronto, they would have had Joel Embiid in the same state as the rest of the team tonight. Not that I'm bitter with really good reason.

> The next game is Wednesday, where Bam Adebayo will continue to feast on scrubs, Tyler Herro will continue to show that Matisse Thybulle is less than worthless now, and Rivers will play the entire roster without regard to eyesight, just so he can say he tried everything. Can't wait!

The Sixers - Heat Pick: Goddamn It

Reasons to pick the Sixers: Played one of their best games in the last contest. No longer in the realm of Oh Man You're Gonna Choke. Have played much better on the road than at home this year, so a lack of home court isn't deadly. James Harden will be rested and seems healthy. Tobias Harris is playing his best ball of the year. Tyrese Maxey has been electric. They match up well with Miami, and have beaten them without Joel Embiid this year. Paul Reed could surprise. Miami could sleep on a home game for long enough to let Maxey and Harden steal a game. They are playing with house money, especially with Embiid out.

Reasons to dodge the Sixers: They are going to give actual minutes that matter to Deandre Jordan. (Charles Barkley: "He's still alive?") Embiid will miss at least the first two games and when he does come back, will play with an orbital face mask, and that hasn't worked well for him in the past. (Plus, um, still, the thumb.) Reed won't avoid foul trouble. 

Reasons to pick the Heat: The Sixers won't have Embiid for at least the first two games. Repeat that a half dozen times. They'll force enough turnovers to make this series unwatchable for Sixers Fan, a lot. Bam Adebayo will dominate without Embiid around. Eric Spoelstra is a better coach than Doc Rivers, and it's not by a little. They have depth and confidence and the home court. They also are more rested.

Reasons to dodge the Heat: They aren't coming in totally healthy, either. The refs might decide to just say the hell with it, we hate everyone in this series with the puling, and mass suspensions could turn it into a what the hell is going on kind of series. This a #1 seed with a high floor and a low ceiling, and those kinds of #1 seeds tend to lose around this part of the playoffs.

The pick: Heat in six, just so the Sixers can give their fans one last reason to dread going to games. Embiid's injury gives everyone enough reason to want to run it back one more year, maybe without "He's Still Alive?" options at backup center, and a bench that has better options than Furkan "I Have No Idea Why This Guy Is Still In The NBA" Korkmaz. (And yes, I would have picked the Sixers until Embiid got hurt, and yes, I kind of blame Rivers for having him in a blowout.)