Top 10 NFL Week 2 Takeaways

Smokin' Jay Doesn't Care About Your New Yard

10) If you got through the weekend without having a star player injured or suspended, you won your fantasy football matchup

9) Cleveland took a big lead at home behind a dominant defense, and somehow won anyway

8) Kansas City had a 10-minute drive which was almost entirely composed of bailout calls against the defense, ending in a missed field goal that was very important later, and no, Eagle Fan Does Not Miss Andy Reid At All

7) Buffalo is alone in first place in the AFC East, which means that your stash of canned goods is definitely in play

6) San Diego in their win had twice as many first downs as the defending Super Bowl champion Seahawks

5) Dallas and Washington dominated Tennessee and Jacksonville, proving for once and for all that the worst division in football is the AFC South, rather than the NFC East

4) New England won by 23 on the road in Minnesota in a game where Tom Brady threw for less than 149 yards, because Minnesota without Adrian Peterson is kind of, um, terrible

3) The Jets lost a game-tying touchdown pass in the fourth quarter when using their last timeout, after blowing a huge early road lead, because LOL Jets

2) Carolina absolutely trucked the Lions at home, because MNF home winners on the road are incapable of remaining upright

1) San Francisco turned it over four times to blow a 17-0 lead against an injury-depleted Bears team in the first game of their brand new park, proving yet again that New Parks Ruin Everything