Top 10 NFL Week 1 Ad Questions

10) Why would NFL players know anything about headphones?

9) Does State Farm get most of its clients from people who are incoherent with rage over pointless SNL reboots?

8) Is the fact that people in Texas failed to stomp the Geico lizards proof of compassion towards animals, or a good opportunity squandered?

7) Why has the US government not investigated ING for its efforts to breed currency butterflies?

6) Does eating Subway make the Amish angry?

5) If I buy a Dodge Dart, will I become obsessed about its condition, to the point of becoming a hopeless shut-in?

4) Can we all pay Samantha Bee a little bit of money, so she doesn't take Verizon's ad cash?

3) Does wearing Old Spice turn you into a poorly made robot?

2) Is Peyton Manning officially senile now that he's just humming along to random advertising jingles?

1) Will eating the jalapeno burger from McDonald's make me gay married?