Top 12 reasons why the NFL is making the Super Bowl halftime show pay to play

What Bats Says

No, seriously.

12) Roger Goodell needs a raise

11) Massive class-action lawsuits from generations of brain-damaged ex-employees don't just pay themselves

10) Sets the important first step of precedent towards getting Paul Allen the opportunity to engage in a full-on Jimi Hendrix wank

9) The gig really is so flush with credibility, paying for it doesn't hurt an artist's reputation at all

8) Every female musician who has played the gig has more or less costumed herself as a pro, so the league just wanted to get in on the fun

7) In the era of digital download, original musicians are just awash in cash, unlike the poor, poor NFL

6) Super Bowl ticket buyers are much more likely to pay more for seats when they know the halftime show has also been gouged

5) Every artist, especially those of African-American or Latino descent, will pay extra to headline the show in Arizona

4) The quality of the acts has been so good, it's intimidated the players, so by making it pay to play, the league will make the teams less nervous

3) The "Super Bowl Bump" is the only reason anyone knows about artists like U2, Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Prince and Madonna

2) If the acts have to pay to play, maybe they don't have enough money to hire all of those dancers that Middle America finds so fearsome

1) As soon as the acts pay up, the league can cut back on all of that unseemly commercial sponsorship