Top 12 reasons why the Phillies fired Charlie Manuel

Did Him Wrong

12) After all these years. just couldn't stand watching his terrible clock manage- ment any mo -- wait, sorry, wrong entrenched dude

11) Short of arson, a sex scandal or a killing spree, it's just about the only thing they can do to get noticed during the far more entertaining and meaningful Eagles preseason

10) Would have canned him a long time ago, but they got a free sammich when he reached 1,000 managerial wins

9) Needed to hurry up and give the job to Ryne Sandberg before the Cubs stole him in a historically awful trade

8) Disaster GM Ruben Amaro Jr. just wants to see what it's like to fire a man while he still can

7) Manuel somehow wasn't able to get a better performance out of the very worst bullpen in baseball, headed up by the least likable closer in baseball

6) Were keeping him around just long enough to convince Chase Utley to sign a deal that will help them stay old and locked into the fading memory of the best era in club history

5) By kicking Manuel to the curb, they are much less likely to convince Roy Halladay to stick around, and at this point, that's addition by subtraction

4) Given Cholly's age and issues with the language, didn't want to be on the hook if he were to suddenly request assistance, but have no one on staff who could understand him enough to provide it

3) Since the rest of the year should be spent evaluating minor league talent at the major league level, you might as well bring in the manager that saw those guys in the minors

2) If Sandberg can just find a way to win out the last 41 games, they can still make the playoffs, maybe

1) Know that, given the, um, regard that Amaro has in MLB circles, Manuel will be hired within a week by a contender