Five Annual Points About March Madness

You, In 24 To 96 Hours

Once more with feeling...

1) I don't care about your bracket. No one does. This will likely include you in one to four days. Feel free to skip to the end. Compared to March Madness bettors, poker tournament players are well-rounded adults with solid listening skills.

2) If you feel compelled to discuss your bracket with other people, please be aware that you are (a) engaging in stereo masturbation, and (b) compelled to offer to lend them money if you cash out later.

3) People who complain about the President picking a bracket are, in fact, even more tedious than the President taking half an hour to pick a bracket. It's magic.

4) I am not wrong for preferring basketball played by fully grown adults who are professionally compensated for their efforts. I don't have to like your game for you to like your game. (I'm also old enough to not give a damn if you like my game or not.) Sport Is Not Religion, and the NCAA is not paying you for missionary work.

5) Your very clever excuse for begging off work, and/or your spectacularly covert plan for somehow watching the games while at work, is not fooling anyone. Real managers know that the next two days are filled with the weaker links in the chain living down to expectations, and plan accordingly.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.