Top 10 Texans - Jets Takeaways

Owen Daniels needs TD celebration help

10) If you detect a wee bit of bitter in these, it has nothing to do with the Texans blowing any number of chances in covering the 8 point line that would have paid off my 3-team parley, costing me $70 that I really could have freaking used, you stinking bums, you unrepentant pieces of toe jam, you collusive bags of pus...

9) Gary Kubiak managed the game not to lose, which works when you have a great defense against a poor offense, and do not care that I NOW HATE YOU WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS

8) Matt Schaub is the world's best example of how a bad fantasy quarterback can actually be a great one in, you know, reality

7) The Jets basically tried everything imaginable tonight, and still were never really in that much danger of, you know, winning

6) If the Texans' JJ Watt isn't the best defensive linemen in the NFL right now, I really don't want to see who is

5) Jets WR  Jeremy Kerley's effort on the end of the first half interception by Texans' DB Brice McCain saved the Jets four points and killed my cover, which means that  I NOW HATE HIM WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS

4) Designated Sideshow Tim Tebow converted another fake punt, then spent much of the rest of the night contributing to wasted timeouts

3) Texans TE Owen Daniels seemed to get really confused in the middle of his touchdown celebration

2) This is the first time the Texans have beaten the Jets, the first time a Houston football team has started 5-0 since Jim Kelly and the USFL Gamblers, and yet I STILL WANTED THEM TO LOSE AS SOON AS IT BECAME OBVIOUS THAT THEY WOULD NOT COVER, AND NOW HATE THEM WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS

1) I'd like to love Texans RB Arian Foster, but as I got outbid for him in my fantasy league at the start of his career, I've instead spent his entire career HATING HIM WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS