Dirk Dangerously

Far be it for me, really, to disparage another man's choice of poon. I have come back from the happy hunting grounds with less than the legal limit, shall we say. But, really, Dirk Nowitzki... this is what you wind up with, as an All-NBA big man with eight-figure annual salaries?

(If you must dwell, the link takes you to her sobbing jailhouse interviews in which she's pregnant, Dirk knew all about her past and called her "his little jailbird", and the scandalous mess of it all is all due to a vengeful German coach. Um, whatever.)

One More Moment From Boston's Sunday

Classy, Ray Allen, classy. Note also how Anderson Vareajo, who will flop in the face of a strong breeze, goes nowhere under the sharp elbow to the nethers. I'd rather leave it to the reader as to why that is, but my own personal theories are that Sideshow Anderson *liked* it... or that Allen just has such form on his groin elbow that you just have to admire it, really.

I am shocked, shocked...

to discover the Red Sox getting into it with a baseball team in mourning, and for Josh Beckett to be in the middle of it all.



I'm not saying that Bobby Abreu is never at fault, but that was more than a little questionable. Oh, and major ups to Mike Scoscia for also continuing to be a heavy flow of a man, and to the NESN announcing crew for having no idea why anyone would be mad at someone like Beckett...

Your Annual Women's Basketball Post

So, um, UConn won every game this year and it wasn't close. (Oh, and nice move to call them the Lady Huskies, rather than the Husky Bitches. That would just be wrong.)

Which leaves us, really, with just one question.

Can we have them play against the UNC men now, seeing how that game would be at least entertaining for a minute or two, unlike the championship games?

Something that needs to be said to UNC Fan

I'm a Syracuse graduate, so I have no love lost for Villanova, despite also having grown up in Philadelphia. So when I watched tonight's UNC-Villanova Final Four game, the only thing I was rooting for was a little drama, and learning whether or not Ty Lawson will be a good pro in the Association. (The answer to that is, well, no -- he's quick but not that quick.)

UNC was clearly the better team in a downright dull game -- seriously, it was obvious for just about every second of action in this one that 'Nova just couldn't compete -- and given that they beat Michigan State by what Spartan coach Tom Izzo referred to as 100 points in the halftime chat, it looks like they're going to win another championship next week.

But, um, there is one small point that UNC Fan needs to be told...

Um, that Tyler Hansbrough kid you've got? I've watched enough of Duke basketball to recognize the type, and he's a Dookie. I've never watched him play basketball before, and I found myself hoping he'd get his nose broken. Any team in the Association that takes him is going to find themselves on a lot of posters. Just saying.

(Oh, and kudos to CBS for recognizing that Horror in 2009 means dragging a woman off screen by her ankles, as they did in their promos for "Harper's Island." First director to do this with a man is going to be a freaking trend setter.)

Breastpaw

Eri Yoshida is 17 years old, 5 feet tall, 114 pounds and female. She is also the first female, assuming that one does not think unkind thoughts about Hideo Nomo, to pitch against men in a Japanese professional league.

Friday in Osaka, she made her debut, walking the first hitter on four pitches, giving up a stolen base, and then striking out the next hitter before being replace. She throws a sidearm knuckleball, which can't be something that most people have much experience handling, and wants to emulate Tim Wakefield, which can't say much about her future offers to pop her top for skin magazines. Yoshida is said to have been pitching since she was in second grade, so that gives her a solid decade of throwing the knuckler.

Now, there is the usual question as to whether this is a publicity stunt (of course), and the Lemur's Rob Neyer asked the particularly obvious and insensitive question as to how she's handle a bunt, or what she'd do on a 3-0 count. Um, Rob... what makes Yoshida's plight in that situation any different from, say, Chad Bradford? And did being a lot shorter than most of his opponents stop Tom Gordon from having a 20-year career? I don't remember too many people worrying about Pedro Martinez not being able to handle himself out there despite being half of the size of some of the hitters. Hell, Pedro was a headhunter. Plus, he beat up Don Zimmer. That has to count for something.

The simple fact of the matter is that baseball is an individual sport with a ton of physical outliers, and if Yoshida gets people out -- and I'm thinking that any 17 year-old person that can strike an adult out, by any means, is something of a prospect -- she'll have a job, regardless of whether or not she sells tickets. And, of course, she will. Teams have employed utter reprobates like Ugie Urbina, Denny McClain and Dwight Gooden; the job is to get outs, and if you can do that, nothing else really matters.

I am convinced, and have stated before on this blog, that during my lifetime, a woman will pitch in the major leagues. Yoshida has just the kind of novelty act that could break through, and if it's not her, it will be someone that can get the ball up to 90 mph.

Particularly if she's left-handed. And cute. (What, you think there won't be some ticket sales involved?)

Your Annual Women's Basketball Post

Ball State pulled off a big upset tonight, knocking off Pat Summit's fabled Vols.

I have nothing more to add to this, other than to note that Ball State's team is called the Cardinals, which is really just a marketing opportunity gone to waste. You couldn't call them anything more suggestive or risque than that? Give me the Lady Matadors, the Donkey Punchers, the Walnuts, the Danglers, the Rockers...

Come on, people. There's money to be made here!

Sex Differences in Sports

There's a pretty fascinating piece in the NYT today (you will have to register to read it, but it's not a bad trade-off) about the role that society plays in gender differentiation. It's mostly about how less industrial societies have fewer gender differences than people in more industrial societies, since they are doing more similar jobs. But where it matters to us in this little corner of the blogosphere is how it relates to sports.

Running is mentioned as the perfect test case. It's a nearly universal sporting activity, and what you'd expect to happen -- i.e., males to be more competitive, and have greater separation from best to worst then females -- turns out to be the case on a damn near universal basis -- even in places where men and women have the same roles and jobs and fewer pronounced differences between genders. So there is, as per the study, an enduring "sex difference in competitiveness."

Now, I realize this is all a little dry, but the takeaway is this... in my lifetime, there has been an increasing amount of interest in women's team sports, with folks trying to get people interested in events like soccer and basketball.

It hasn't really worked from a ratings standpoint, with the occasional burst/fluke moment like the US women's soccer team, or the compromised effort that is beach volleyball, where you've got prurient interest adding to the competition. (I'm going to avoid talking about the individual events like golf, tennis, figure skating and gymnastics for the most part, because those seem to be more about individual personalities.)

Many people have posited that this is because of a lack of coverage, or the older generations not having grown up with the endeavor, or some other more nefarious plot, mostly involving patriarchy.

But what this study is showing you is that, on some level, there's just less variance in performance, independent of the culture. You can give me any reason you like as to why that is, but it doesn't really matter; the sun rises in the East, water is wet, and men have greater competitive differences.

Strong variances make for better viewing. When teams and athletes are similar in abilities and performance, you don't have upsets, drama, storylines; you have parity on an individual competitor basis, which is to say you've got a lot of the middle muddling about.

Sports is about seeing who is better, and feeling that the differences are not utterly random, and that the differences matter. Women's sports simply have less of that; you can juice it up all you like with all kinds of reverse engineering and marketing, but it is what it is.

And I wish it weren't so, being the father of daughters and someone who feels the odd twinge of guilt over the fact that my kids don't see Dad watching girls play sports. Moving on...

Epic Drop: Top 12 Ways To Tell If You Are A Whipped Sports Fan

Here's your link for the day, and for the record, no, I'm not. (How do I know? Well, the Shooter Wife ran the Leather Crown to the trophy shop today to get the plate happening. That's love, dammit. Very helpful love...)

Oh, and don't miss the link, because it's a good one, and you'll be able to forward it to at least three people you know. (Hi, Truth!)