Something that needs to be said to UNC Fan

I'm a Syracuse graduate, so I have no love lost for Villanova, despite also having grown up in Philadelphia. So when I watched tonight's UNC-Villanova Final Four game, the only thing I was rooting for was a little drama, and learning whether or not Ty Lawson will be a good pro in the Association. (The answer to that is, well, no -- he's quick but not that quick.)

UNC was clearly the better team in a downright dull game -- seriously, it was obvious for just about every second of action in this one that 'Nova just couldn't compete -- and given that they beat Michigan State by what Spartan coach Tom Izzo referred to as 100 points in the halftime chat, it looks like they're going to win another championship next week.

But, um, there is one small point that UNC Fan needs to be told...

Um, that Tyler Hansbrough kid you've got? I've watched enough of Duke basketball to recognize the type, and he's a Dookie. I've never watched him play basketball before, and I found myself hoping he'd get his nose broken. Any team in the Association that takes him is going to find themselves on a lot of posters. Just saying.

(Oh, and kudos to CBS for recognizing that Horror in 2009 means dragging a woman off screen by her ankles, as they did in their promos for "Harper's Island." First director to do this with a man is going to be a freaking trend setter.)

Blogrolling Is Keeping It In The Family

Does it matter how you dress your kids? Yes. The Figthin' have Brett Myers and son, a sweet little tyke that's probably not being brought up to live in urban areas.

Are you shocked to learn that Kevin Youkilis thinks Red Sox Fan is better than American Fan? No, I'm not either. But to say it in public is special. Larry Brown Sports with the love.

Sparty and Friends is helping a laid-off blogger pay the bills. Or just feel bitter that he's watching the tournament, and you're, well, maybe not.

MLJ wants to know what the point of the WBC is, considering that Davey Johnson seems to be constantly talking about forfeiting. Personally, I think that we should all be giving Johnson his props for pioneering new ways to lose.

An excellent point to be made here people -- don't hate Duke because they enjoy same-sex relations. There are much better reasons!

Today's Top Tools: Challenger, Gray and Christmas

We're very excited to debut a new feature on the blog today, just in time for that hateful memo from your HR department in re the use of the Web. The Tool of the Day will be awarded to people in sports who earn our extra special attention... and who better to kick things off than the the latest annual bullsquat numbers from those killjoy numbnuts at Challenger, Gray and Christmas on how much March Madness is killing the American Overlord?

It will come as little surprise to you that C, G & C's real expertise comes in helping Overlords hand out pink slips with abandon, or that their numbers are filled with rich, savory horse flop. That won't stop the ever-lazy media from just regurgitating their annual greedhead press release, right?

So rather than be bitter about this, or wonder why C, G & C don't give equal time to the productivity menace that is Girl Scout Cookie Season, women daring to have their menstrual periods during working hours, or the work force dying at times that aren't convenient to management, let me just close with my own statistics for the media to pass along. I promise that they have the same intellectual rigor and devotion to an agenda-free service of the truth as the best that C, G & C have to offer.

> During the creation of this year's findings, C, G and C personally increased productivity in their own office by providing the top PR placement officer with his or her very own American house slave

> The 14 Americans who were specifically terminated for their productivity failures during the 2008 men's basketball tournament have all, miraculously, managed to find equally crappy jobs this year, and plan no change in behavior during this year's event

> Every single employee at C, G and C went to Duke

> Any actual drop in production will be more than offset by people staying at their desks later, cutting out discussion of other non-work related interests and activities, and generally being, you know, adults

> The amount that C, G and C raises their estimate every year is exactly proportional to the increase in spending among senior management for impotence cures