Does the NBA own stock in Twitter?

Mark Cuban has found a new way to get fined; criticizing refs on his Twitter page. Shaquille O'Neal gets controversy for using the service at halftime, and asking people to accost him in public. Baron Davis just told the world he's got an ulcer on his page. (Finally, a Clipper has something in common with their ticket holders. That, and the soul-crushing losing.) Charlie Villaneuva has been candid about his coach's displeasure with him on Twitter. Many teams have committed to official feeds.

And that spine-crackling yawn that you just emitted from this knowledge? Well, I'm on the record as loving the Association, but I'm with you on this one.

Personally, I'm one of the far too many Rapidly Aging Americans who use Facebook; I do so for the same reasons that people used to use Reunion or MySpace, which is to say, to look at pictures of women I knew in high school. (Yeah, like you use it for anything else.) That, and trying to casually amuse people, or generate a few extra folks for my poker game, or blog posts, or whatever.

I do not care, and never will, about the not very illuminating or interesting lists or quizzes or applications that people use in the course of their Facebook day. Nor, for that matter, am I all that interested in the building blocks of your thought process, which is to say, the real grist of what Twitter is about.

So why do so many NBA guys do this?

1) They have too much free time. Seriously, at this point in the season, there isn't much in the way of new scouting or coaching going on. It's all about either qualifying for the playoffs, finding out about bench guys, or just playing out the string for the benefit of your statistics. There's a reason why scoring goes up late in the year; there's a tacit quid pro quo of guys more or less going easy on each other.

2) They are young enough to embrace any new technology. Your mom uses e-mail. Parents use Facebook. Twittering is basically a public text messaging service; it rewards a lack of forethought or editing, and that's right in the wheelhouse of folks who are less likely to have set habits and schedules.

3) It's a fad. Kobe Bryant notwithstanding, there really aren't very many NBA players who have been on Shaq's teams that have really disliked the guy. He may be a defensive sieve now, he might have squandered some of his talent and opportunities from not taking his conditioning seriously, and he's left untold thousands of points on the table from being a free-throw liability. But he seems fun to be around, and he keeps the media away from you. So when he starts doing something, other people are going to check it out.

4) Easier to be second than first. Who, really, is going to crack hard on a Twittering NBA guy now? You'd have to crack on Gilbert Arenas first, for opening Pandora's Box with the blogging, then the half dozen folks who've already done this in the last month.

My only real question is this... what will it be next month? 24-hour Web cams carried on the players? Bathroom updates? A cortical implant that will allow us 24/7/365 thought access? Non-inquiring minds do not want to know!

Blogrolling is Hooker-Riffic, Explosive and Holy

The Holy Hand Grenade, still causing problems after all these years.

Do you have a weakness for golfer on golfer violence, especially when it involves the cart? I know I do, especially when it involves the use of a cart, dragging a body, and cursing. Ask any of my old golfing buddies, and they'll tell you that's *my* move...

Do you have a weakness for A-Rod's hookers? I know I do. Plus, his madam dated him for free. Aw, that's sweet. True love!

(And in another small moment, consider the name of the skank du jour -- Kristin Davis. Here I was thinking that she played the prude on "Sex and the City", but it turns out that she's 20 years younger and blonde. What an actress!)

Oh, and one last thing... isn't using the services of a prostitute illegal? Someone needs to arrest that troublesome A-Rod. He broke the law.

The NFL considers moving the draft up to late February. The idea is to put the draft in front of free agency, to further kneecap the free agents. Makes sense to me, though not nearly as much sense as, say, providing a freaking spring league so that the most popular sport in the country doesn't have an 8-month off-season.

Oh noes! Shaq is doing online shenanigans during the halftime break, rather than, say, paying attention to what the coach is saying.

In other news, he just became the fifth leading all-time scorer in NBA history, mainly because he's an unstoppable combination of soft hands and utter power. Anything that makes him less focused on playing the game is, in my opinion, something to be applauded, since an angry focused Shaq is a danger to himself and others.

Sports By Brooks does the math to show that the average seat at the new Yankee Stadium is $237. That sound you heard was jaws dropping from coast to coast, but to be honest, I'm just not seeing the Yanks getting it in the long term. Yes, people make serious and ridiculous bank in the City, but at some point (especially when that New Stadium Smell wears off), paying more per hour for baseball than hookers is a losing proposition.

Rumors

Today in Detroit, the Phoenix Suns improved to 28-21 with a convincing win over the Pistons, who might not be what they were in their heyday, but are still an above average team, especially at home. Starring for the visitors were Steve Nash, Shaquille O'Neal and Amare Stoudemire, which is notable, given that the last two of that list have been included in just about every trade rumor in the NBA for the past month.

Now, I don't really know if the Suns are going to move either (or both) big men. They don't appear to be as good as expected, and they certainly aren't as much fun to watch as they used to be. In a playoff series, they are going to have major defensive problems all over the place, just as they have had for the entire length of the Steve Nash Era. But I haven't gone down the path of trying to figure out who they should move and for what, for one very good reason.

It's utterly freaking pointless.

You see, people who deal entirely in trade rumors aren't capable of, you know, actually watching the freaking games. Is it possible that the Suns are just slumming, given that they never were all that intense or committed defensively, and that they are also trying to work in Jason Richardson at the shooting guard?

The simple plain and unvarnished truth about the NBA is that, unless you have a franchise utterly give up a superstar for squat (see the Celtics' heist of Kevin Garnett, or the Lakers theft of Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies), and that superstar more or less fits perfectly, the mid-season move never really works out. That's because basketball isn't baseball; you can't have individual performances plug in their numbers and have it all work out. Guys need to learn how to play together, potentially over years, before they can reach full effectiveness. They also need to work out their relationship with their coach, because with the money that's made in the Association, player motivation from the coach is an incredible factor in the effectiveness of individual teams.

Don't believe me? Consider the Spurs, now ranked second in the Western Conference despite early-season injuries and talent that never seems all that scary, even though they've got the best power forward of all time in Tim Duncan. They rarely, if ever, shake up the deck in a meaningful way in mid-season. They also tend to win the championship every other year, also known as when they are healthy and/or not worn out from the previous year's run.

Consider the East, where there are three clearly superior teams -- the Celtics, Cavs and Magic. The only new player of any serious note with these three teams is the Cavs' Mo Williams. The Celtics more or less stood pat, with the exception of losing James Posey (more important in a playoff series than the regular season). The Magic kept the same core group and just gave them more time together; until they lost Jameer Nelson to injury last week, they look poised to do real damage as well.

So if you're looking for NBA trade rumors, or indeed any kind of trade rumors, it's not going to happen. 90% of them are bull, and of the other 10%, 9% won't have any kind of meaningful and useful impact for this year's results. So why get all out of shape over them? Just watch the freaking game already. Please.

Epic Drop: Top 10 ways that Shaq will make the Spurs pay

The Phillies are a strike away from the World Series at this very moment. My link is about Shaq. I have unerring blogging instincts!

The Spurs Decide To Clinch At Home

Today in Phoenix, the Suns got out early and often, building a 22 point lead at the half. They did it with activity and aggressive-
ness on the defensive end, as both Shaquille O'Neal and the previously defense-free Amare Stoudamire were physical and involved.

On the offensive end, they got a lot out of the previously MIA Raja Bell, and even some utility out of Boris Diaw, who was really the best player on the floor today. By the midway point of the third quarter, the Suns were up 30, and even the Suns defense isn't porous enough to give that back.

And... where the hell was this in the first three games, when this still could have been a series?

Kudos to the Suns for finally putting Grant Hill out of their misery, and for letting Diaw -- the only Sun with a chance in hell of staying in front of Tony Parker -- take a bigger role. If the Frenchman can play this way on the road (and of course he can't), the series could still go long.

As for the Spurs, you got the feeling that they were throwing this game for some reason. Michael Finley tried to defend Amare Stoudamire one on one. They didn't run the pick and roll that has absolutely murdered Phoenix all series. They spent a good part of the first half trying to get Robert Horry involved. They never ran a press, and didn't even flop or complain with their usual vehemence. The third quarter saw a lot of Jacques Vaughn and Ime Udoka. They didn't even Hack Shaq very much... and if there was ever a game in which Shaq should have punished a guy for doing that, it was today.

I'm pretty sure I even saw Tim Duncan accept that he fouled a guy today (along with sit most of the second half). The Spurs had no interest in winning this game; the only question is whether or not the Suns decide this defense thing is worth trying again, and if the refs continue to give them the benefit of most of the whistles. I'm not saying the game was fixed, but Tony Parker was smacked in the face twice today for no calls... and I posted this at the end of the third quarter. That's how done this game was, and how much the Spurs mailed this one in.

Oh, and big ups to ABC/ESPN for having their fingers on the pulse of the culture, with musical interludes from Led Zeppelin and the Beatles. Well done, Mouse Minions.

Stick A Fork In The Suns

Well, so much for what was supposed to be the best first round playoff series ever. The Suns never led tonight in a must-win Game 3 at home, and are now dead and buried at 0-3. No NBA team has ever come back from 0-3.

In watching the Spurs utterly dismantle the Suns, the temptation is to think that the Spurs really are this good. After all, they are the defending champions, and just a handful of plays away from having even more than their four rings.

But it's more than the brilliance of the Spurs. This is also the end of the line for the Suns.

If you watched the first quarter of this game, you watched the whole game. The Spurs scored easily off pick and roll. The Suns didn't. When the Suns started to get any hint of rhythm, the Spurs fouled Shaq. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The two most important positions in basketball are point guard and center. In both of these positions, the Suns start a superstar and ex-MVP -- Steve Nash and Shaquille O'Neal. And both of these guys are on the wrong side of 30 (in Shaq's case, 35), and almost completely incapable of stopping their opposite number on the Spurs. If it hadn't been San Antonio, it would have been the Jazz with Williams and Boozer, or the Hornets with Paul and West, or the Celtics with Pierce and Garnett.

This isn't to excuse Amare Stoudemire, who might be the worst defensive power forward in the Association that isn't named Zach Randolph. It's also not to excuse the rest of the Suns players and general manager; only the Suns would consider Grant Hill a defensive player who can somehow stay in front of Tony Parker. But if you want to have any chance of beating the Spurs, you have to take away 2 of their 3 big guns. And with Nash and O'Neal, that's just never going to happen.

It's been a fun run, and I'm still of the mind that if Horrygate didn't happen, the Suns would have gotten a ring last year. But like the Webber/Bibby Kings, the Dirk/Howard Mavs, the Kemp/Payton Sonics, or the KJ/Barkley Suns, they'll end their run of prominence without a championship. They are just one more pleasant team that was fun to watch, but just not good enough.

Oh, and one other thing: when Shaq's teams lose in the playoffs, they lose badly. Expect the Spurs to seal the deal with a sweep. It happens a lot to Shaq's teams. This one ends on Sunday.

Hack Your Eyes

In tonight's Game 3 of Spurs-Suns, San Antonio continued their tactic from the first two games, where they deliberately fouled Shaquille O'Neal at the end of the quarter, to gain additional possessions. This led to a debate between analysts Mark Jackson and Jeff van Gundy, where Jackson opined that the rules shouldn't be changed to protect a bad free throw shooter, and Jackson wondering why the Spurs just didn't do this for the entire game.

Both men, of course, are missing four critical points:

1) It's terrible to watch. Basketball is a spectator sport that needs to attract casual fans. One team benefiting from what seems like, not to put too fine a point on it, cheating... is bad television. Along with the inherent bad visuals of Shaq doing this, and the game getting all herky-jerky sloppy.

2) If it's not acceptable in the last two minutes of the game, it shouldn't be acceptable in the first 46 minutes, either. This is like not having a DH until the 9th inning -- illogical on its face.

3) Eventually, one of the intentionally fouled players is going to, um, not like it very much.

If I were Shaq, especially in a game that didn't mean much, I'd do something when a player intentionally fouled me. I'd make him, you know, earn it. Perhaps even send a message to the next coach or player who gets sent out to do the deed. And just that quickly, the tactic gets a heck of a lot less enjoyable.

4) Fourth and finally, we don't really want to watch guys hugging each other. It's kinda, you know, not really high on our sports fan priority list.

My guess is that the Association changes this in the off-season, because they are usually pretty good about making the product more watchable... and there's more than a few pretty horrible free throw shooters in the league, and the trend has been for that to get more common, not less. If you don't like Hack A Shaq, you also won't like Hack Duncan, Hack Wallace, Hack Howard, Hack Chandler, Hack Maxiell...

Epic Drop: Top 10 Shaq Criticisms About the Miami Heat

The link is here, and for everything you hear about Shaq being such a big kid at heart and a great teammate... has anyone ever really looked at the history on that? His Magic and Laker teams, when they lost, got their asses swept and looked for all the world like they were pulling the chutes. He's awfully good at throwing old star teammates (Penny, Kobe, and any minute now, D-Wade) under the bus.

But just like, say, John McCain, Shaq enjoys significantly less rigorous journalistic coverage, because the media is corrupt and compliant in their approach toward him. We should all find opportunities so abundant...