Tom Brady Is Gone And Yet Still Insufferable

What A Sportsman

Folks, I’m not a Brady fan. I’ve never been one. The number of times that I’ve rooted for him to win a football game... well, I guess it must have happened at some point, either through real betting or nerd betting (fantasy), but I don’t remember it. The one year that I held my nose and bought him for a big price in fantasy, he snapped his leg in the first game and missed the entire year. (You’re welcome.)

The news that he’s retiring should be a celebration, in that whenever a bad situation ends, you should celebrate. For 31 out of 32 fanbases, it’s dancing in the streets happiness that he’s gone. Done. No reason to keep talking about him; plenty of time for you to do that, if you care to, in the off-season or in the weekend when he goes into the NFL Hall of Fame.

He’s Not Game now, and I’m not here for Not Game.

And the fact that he had to draw this out when the spotlight should really be on others?

Shows you everything that you already knew about the man is still true. From excusing reprobate teammates (noted murderer Aaron Hernandez! noted psychopath Antonio Brown!) and coaches (noted adulterer Bill Belichick! Likely gaslighter Bruce Arians!), to pseudo-science for everything (I’m in the league at 44 not due to luck and ridiculous protection from refs, but because I have Nutrition Secrets You Can Buy), and making monomaniacal focus something the media lauds, rather than presents as a mixed bag…

Oh, and the fact that he’s more, not less, throwing his supermodel wife and inevitably supermodel kids under ths bus for having to give up the game he loves? Probably leading to some unhinged Florida Man or 20 to threaten the same for taking away their very special QB when the Bucs don’t just roll on next year to another playoff run?

Well, I think we’re going to be just swell without this man in our lives.

If you want to keep giving him the full service you’ve given him for 22 years, it’s a free country. He certainly wants you to. The annual “Will Brady Return?” clickbait you will all indulge in? Feel free to start it now. After all, we do live in the darkest timeline.

But as that kind of thing is no longer Game, please go do it in private?