Top 10 reasons why Shaq is finally retiring

10) Wanted to be the first person in America to use his personal Twitter account for a newsworthy announcement

9) The Globetrotters couldn't meet his price

8) Now that he's given up playing, he can finally relax his strict training regimen and restrictive diet

7) If you had to hang out with Kevin Garnett, Big Baby Davis, Troy Muphy and Nenad Krstic, you'd quit too

6) Finally got the quality "Kaazam 2" script he's been looking for

5) Ran out of nicknames that didn't make him cry

4) Realized that his final career goal to play for every franchise was a bit demeaning for one of the all-time greats

3) Knew that he'd never make it in the Association without Phil Jackson still around to teach him

2) Being on that last "Gone Fishin'" TNT Photostop graphic scarred him deeply

1) No one cares anymore about the flavor of his ass