Top 10 reasons why the Marlins hired Jack McKeon

10) It will give Hanley Ramirez the great-grandfather role model he clearly needs

9) Gives us all a chance to take that damned Connie Mack down a peg

8) Bound to increase the fan interest in the Marlins from non-existent to morbid

7) The hire will help the Marlins spend less on the post-game spread, since it will be put out at 4pm

6) His medicine ball, ointment and steak and booze training regimen is the only thing that can save Mike Stanton

5) Hoping he can reenact the 2003 charge, Pickett's Charge, or Hammurabi's March Over The Alps

4) Looking forward to seeing how his old-school ways will ruin the arbitration eligibility of the starting pitchers

3) Best way to get the team the inside track on the best remaining talent in the Negro Leagues

2) Desperate hope that the team won't be able to quit on an old, old man, the way they've been quitting on every one else

1) In Miami, this is how you bring in the walker-in crowd